IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Healthcare is a fundamental human right. Some
people
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 argue that the government should provide free medical treatment to its citizens. I partially agree with
this
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 notion. In the following paragraphs, I will present my point of view.
To begin
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 with, clinical treatments are way too costly in
this
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 modern era, where there is rapidly increasing of human necessities, and there is
also
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 a rise in the cost of treatment.
Therefore
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,
people
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 in poor countries lost their lives without getting proper healthcare.
On the other hand
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, only those
people
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 who earn smart
income
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 can bear the expenses of hospital bills, medical reports and medicines.
Consequently
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,
people
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 with low
income
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 suffer even in the minner sickness, because of medical bills. Governments should take the initiative to support low-
income
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 families.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that if clinical treatments are given free of cost by the government to the poor
people
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 or average
income
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 generators, hospitals will be overcrowded , and the quality of service could decline.
For instance
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, many European countries offer their citizens free medical care, which allows
people
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 to receive medical attention without financial stress.
Moreover
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, it could burden the government, as it could invest high revenue in only medical care.
Although
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 healthy
income
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 generators can contribute directly to the nation's productivity. With the helping hands, one nation can reduce untreated illness and long-term healthcare expenses.
To conclude
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, there is no argument that
people
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 should pay for their treatment unless they have sufficient funds to pay for it;
otherwise
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, local regimes should support their residents with better medical facilities. I believe that a healthy nation contributes more to boost its national GDP and economy.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how far you agree, and keep this same view in all body parts.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some sentences are hard to follow, so use shorter and clearer sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraph focus. Each body paragraph should have one main idea and then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some joining words are used, but a few sentences still feel sudden or unclear.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because unclear wording can hurt flow and make your meaning less easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You stay on the topic of medical care through the whole essay.
task response
You include both sides of the issue, which shows balanced thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
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