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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Embracing challenging conditions of
life
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as an unfulfilling occupation or poverty, is considered a wise decision by a number of individuals,
while
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 others argue that people should put effort into improving their quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before giving a personal view.
Although
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 by nature a human being tends to constantly better their position in
life
Use synonyms
, they are sometimes left with no choice but to accept unfortunate circumstances.
This
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 acceptance can be beneficial at some points, as it allows individuals to preserve their mental health rather than overwhelming themselves by pursuing impossible goals. To illustrate, citizens of underprivileged communities or countries undergoing an economic crisis,
such
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 as Africa or Russia, should keep their source of income to cover at least basic
life
Use synonyms
 expenses.
Therefore
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, accepting a bad situation is better than making it worse.
On the other hand
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, some proactive individuals never stay in their comfort zones by striving to catch any potential chance and upgrade their lifestyle or career. Pursuing a better
life
Use synonyms
 can provide financial stability, career advancement and
overall
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 satisfaction.
For instance
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, if entrepreneurs regularly enhance their products or services,
otherwise
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 their businesses are more likely to lose their dominant positions in the market.
Furthermore
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, nowadays most students from underdeveloped countries are attempting to enter universities in Europe or the USA , hoping to obtain a high-quality education and find a job at prestigious companies. In conclusion, if you are facing a manageable issue, put some pressure on yourself and immediately address it.
However
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, being trapped in an unsolvable problem might lead to total failure.
Thus
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, I think that everyone should take a risk to level up, of course , considering all possible consequences.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your view is clear, but one side has a little more support than the other.
task response
Make your opinion fully clear in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and safe. Saying 'Africa' is too wide, and the example about Russia feels weak.
task response
Some main ideas need more development. Add one more sentence to explain why each point is true.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. A few parts feel awkward, like 'otherwise' in the business example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each paragraph. This will make your line of thought easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long. Shorter sentences can make your ideas clearer.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your introduction clearly shows the topic of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is present and gives a final view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow in general because the paragraphs are in a logical order.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contentment
  • Resilience
  • Personal growth
  • Endurance
  • Initiative
  • Advancement
  • Catalyst
  • Financial stability
  • Status quo
  • Innovation
  • Missed opportunities
  • Life satisfaction
  • Adverse situations
  • Taking control
  • Risk assessment
  • Change management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivation
  • Stagnation
  • Proactivity
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