IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is expected that in the future old people are going to outnumber young people in many countries. Do you feel this is a positive or negative development ?

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In many countries, the proportion of elderly people is predicted to exceed that of the younger generation.
While
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this
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 shift may bring certain benefits, I believe it represents a largely negative development
due to
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 its economic, social, and healthcare implications. An ageing population places immense pressure on the workforce and the economy.
Moreover
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, governments will need to allocate more resources to pensions and retirement benefits, which could reduce funding for education, and infrastructure.
For instance
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, countries like Japan already struggle with maintaining economic growth
due to
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 their shrinking workforce.
On the other hand
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, elderly people can contribute positively to society. They often possess valuable experience and wisdom, which can be shared with younger generations.
Furthermore
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, many retirees engage in volunteer work, or childcare, which strengthens social bonds. In some cultures, respect for elders is deeply rooted, and their presence is seen as a source of stability In conclusion,
although
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 an ageing population may bring certain social benefits, the
overall
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 consequences are likely to be negative. Economic stagnation and social pressures outweigh the advantages.
Therefore
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, governments must take proactive measures,
such
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 as encouraging higher birth rates and supporting immigration, to mitigate the challenges of
this
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 demographic shift.

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task response
Give one more clear reason for why this is bad. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Add a more direct answer in the introduction, like 'I think this is a negative change overall.'
task response
Use one more real or clear example in the second body part, not only in the first one.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly between body paragraphs with simple words like 'however', 'also', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point a little more. Some ideas are good but short.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same style of support in both body paragraphs so the essay feels more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own opinion.
task response
The Japan example is relevant and helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is clear and matches your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • outnumber
  • public spending
  • health care system
  • pension
  • taxpayer
  • workforce
  • economic growth
  • medical care
  • social support
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • financial pressure
  • care home
  • community work
  • part-time job
  • depend on
  • pay tax
  • long-term problem
  • negative development
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