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Band 7.5

Children find it difficult to pay attention or concentrate on school study. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

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Nowadays, many children find it difficult to pay attention to their school studies.
This
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 is becoming a common problem in many countries. There are several reasons for
this
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 issue, and some effective solutions can help to improve the situation. One of the main reasons is the excessive use of electronic devices. Many youngsters spend hours playing video games or using social media to doom-scroll
instead
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 of studying.
As a result
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, they become less interested in school subjects.
For instance
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, spending time on the game with friends rather than finishing homework and preparing for an upcoming test. Another reason is that some
parents
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 are too busy to support their kids with schoolwork.
Thus
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, without proper guidance, children may develop poor study habits.
In addition
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, some
lessons
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 are not quite interesting to all, which can result in students being bored and distracted during class. Some kids
also
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 have personal problems that affect their concentration and learning ability. To illustrate, at times, kids are dyslexic or have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder , which can make studying a challenge. There are several ways to solve
this
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 problem.
First,
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parents
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 should monitor their youngsters' screen time and encourage them to spend more hours studying. They should
also
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 create a quiet place for learning at home.
Second,
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teachers can make
lessons
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 more engaging by using group activities, games, and technology in the classroom.
For example
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, over the recent years, the majority of schools in developed nations have adopted the use of gadgets like iPads and laptops to enhance classroom performance. These methods can help students stay interested or excited for their
lessons
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.
Furthermore
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, educational institutes should provide guidance on study skills, tactics or time management. Following these suggestions may improve their concentration and academic performance.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 should help their children when they face difficulties in learning. These solutions are useful for improving students’ focus. In conclusion, children’s lack of concentration is caused by technology, lack of parental support, and boring
lessons
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. If
parents
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 and schools work together,
this
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 problem can be reduced.

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task response
Task response: You answer both parts of the question, but some ideas need more depth. Explain how each solution works in a more direct way.
task response
Task response: Some examples are a bit general. Add one clear and real example to make your points stronger.
task response
Task response: A few ideas are repeated, like help from parents and schools. Try to add new points instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good. To get a higher score, make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are not fully clear, such as the game example. Rewrite them in a simpler and more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Paragraphing is good, but some long sentences can be split into two shorter ones. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
task response
Task response: You answer the two questions in the task, with reasons and ways to solve the problem.
task response
Task response: Your main ideas are relevant to the topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use linking words like 'another reason', 'first', 'second', and 'in conclusion' well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immediate gratification
  • diverse learning preferences
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • disengagement
  • nutritional factors
  • processed foods
  • energy spikes and crashes
  • cognitive function
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • integrate
  • promote
  • diversify
  • incorporate
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