Both government and individual are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The allocation of significant financial resources by both governments and individuals towards the protection of animals and their habitats has sparked a debate on whether these funds could be more effectively utilized to address fundamental societal issues like
poverty
and healthcare
. In the following, I will elaborate more on why I believe that.
I agree to a considerable extent that there is a need for careful consideration of resource distribution, especially when faced with pressing issues such
as poverty
and healthcare
. These challenges directly impact human well-being and can have immediate, tangible effects on communities. Adequate funding in these areas can lead to improved living standards, better health outcomes, and overall
societal development.
However
, it is essential to recognize the multifaceted nature of societal challenges. While
addressing poverty
and healthcare
is undeniably crucial, the conservation of animals and their habitats also
plays a vital role in maintaining ecological balance and sustaining life on Earth. Biodiversity loss and environmental degradation can have long-term consequences, affecting not only ecosystems but also
human societies that depend on them.
Therefore
, a balanced approach is necessary. Governments and individuals should strive to find a middle ground that allows for the protection of animals and their habitats without neglecting urgent societal issues. Strategic resource allocation, collaboration, and innovative solutions can help address both environmental and human-centric challenges, fostering a more sustainable and resilient society.
In conclusion, while
acknowledging the importance of addressing poverty
and healthcare
, I agree that a comprehensive perspective that considers environmental conservation is crucial for the overall
well-being of the planet and its inhabitants.Submitted by fmalquran112 on
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coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, it would benefit from clearer transitions and connections between paragraphs to guide the reader more smoothly through your points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but they lack depth and specificity. To improve, include more detailed explanations and develop your arguments further with relevant examples or evidence.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task to some extent, your response lacks a full exploration of the topic. It is necessary to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree and substantiate your position with clear and comprehensive ideas and arguments.
task achievement
The use of specific, relevant examples is limited in your essay. To achieve a higher band score, incorporate examples that are directly relevant to the topic to help illustrate your points and make your arguments more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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