IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The priorities of governments in striving for
progress
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 have long been a subject of debate. Including economic growth is supported by administrations.
However
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, a considerable number of individuals advocate for a more comprehensive approach, emphasizing the significance of other forms of
progress
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.
This
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 essay will delve into both viewpoints and present my perspective, highlighting the importance of achieving a balance between economic
progress
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 and other aspects of
progress
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. On the one hand, there are many reasons why economic
progress
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 plays a great role in a
country
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.
Firstly
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, a strong economy results in job creation, and better salaries for all citizens.
Secondly
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, economic
progress
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 ensures that more money is available for governments to spend on infrastructure and public services.
For instance
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, governments will more invest in the
country
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’s transport network, school system, security, and hospital.
Hence
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, financial stability comes with better standards of life.
Thirdly
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, a strong economy can help a
country
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’s standing on the global stage, in terms of its political influence and trading power.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that various other forms of
progress
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such
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 as a green environment, security social, peace, culture, social justice, and equality are equally important for a
country
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.
In particular
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, the treatment of minority groups often reflects the moral standards and level of development of a society. Perhaps another key consideration when judging the
progress
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 of a modern
country
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 should be how well that
country
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 protects the natural environment, and it is towards environmental sustainability. Alternatively, the success of a nation could be measured by looking at the health, and happiness of its residents. In conclusion, the economy is obviously a key marker of a
country
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’s success, but the various other forms of
progress
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 are equally significant.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically follows the previous one, creating a clear progression of ideas. Consider using more precise connecting words to enhance the essay's coherence.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, strive to make them more impactful by sharpening your thesis and final statements.
coherence cohesion
To better support your main points, employ a wider range of specific and detailed examples. This increases the persuasiveness and depth of your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt by discussing both views and providing your opinion, but you could expand on your ideas more fully to satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear ideas; however, further expansion and elaboration of these ideas can enhance the comprehensive nature of your response. Avoid general statements and strive for more depth.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, but they can be further detailed. This ensures that your argument is both persuasive and illustrative of the points you are making.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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