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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecasts.

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This
Linking Words
 chart above explains the climate
data
Use synonyms
collecting
Replace the word
collection
 system of the Australian Bureau of Meteorology used for delivering
decent
Correct article usage
a decent
show examples
 estimation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
weather
Use synonyms
. There are three main information gatherers as seen in the
diagram
Punctuation problem
diagram,
show examples
that is
Linking Words
: satellite,
radar
Use synonyms
 and drifting buoy
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as three
data
Use synonyms
analyzers
Change the spelling
analysers
show examples
: satellite photo,
radar
Use synonyms
 screen and synoptic chart. Unquestionably, the
satillites
Correct your spelling
satellites
 will produce outer space pictures of the globe not only for
analyzing
Change the spelling
analysing
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for
radar
Use synonyms
 stations.
Radar
Use synonyms
 stations receive earth surface
data
Use synonyms
 from
satillites
Correct your spelling
satellites
 as said, and they
also
Linking Words
 collect
weather
Use synonyms
data
Use synonyms
 by emitting microwave pulses into the atmosphere and
analyzing
Change the spelling
analysing
show examples
 the reflected
data
Use synonyms
.
Radar
Use synonyms
 stations
then
Linking Words
 produce these informations in the
forms
Check wording
form
show examples
 of
radar
Use synonyms
 screens and synoptic charts.
Last
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the drifting buoys, not only serving as life
protections
Check wording
protection
show examples
 on the sea,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 produce climatic
informations
Check wording
information
show examples
 by synoptic charts. Eventually, these informations get sent to
offices
Correct article usage
the offices
show examples
 of
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 Bureau of Meteorology to prepare the broadcasts. Visibly on the chart, there are three main broadcast
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 for
weather
Use synonyms
 forecast
,
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 the television
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
visualize
Change the spelling
visualise
show examples
 the location of
weather
Use synonyms
 changes, the radio
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be portable everywhere and the recorded announcement via landline phones.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words data, weather, radar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • collect
  • data
  • weather
  • satellites
  • radar
  • stations
  • information
  • conditions
  • analyze
  • predict
  • future
  • forecasts
  • public
  • technology
  • measure
  • temperature
  • humidity
  • speed
  • storms
  • real-time
  • movement
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