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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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As our world becomes day-by-day increasingly developing. Individuals are now willing to move to different places away from their families and friends for jobs.
Although
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this
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 trend has certain drawbacks, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. nowadays most
people
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 have to work for their families and for individual career growth. most of city and villages have no job
opportunities
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 and
also
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 they don't provide large-scale jobs for everyone,
this
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 decision makes them move away from their childhood. where moving to a developed city, which provides a good hand-full of employment, has a lot of
opportunities
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.
people
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 who are mentally secretively feeling lonely,
this
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 is the main reason for the drawback, to overcome
this
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,
people
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 have to make themselves confident , make new friends and bond a new culture with new friends and have fun in with the weekend with colleagues, which it make peoples don't feel lonely. in second hand, moving to different places away from home, we had a lot of
opportunities
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 to do and explore new places in terms of career growth. I believe that
,
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apply
show examples
 leaving their spouse and children makes it difficult to feel both of them lonely, to overcome
this
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, they need to visit their family place once a week. Today, for many
people
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, looking for a job beyond their hometown has some positive measures. First of all, they provide higher salaries and better employment
opportunities
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. In most big cities,
for example
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, there are many job vacancies in different industries and
thus
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, many companies facilitate career advancement in various ways.
Moreover
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,
people
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 can
also
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 send their money to their families
as well as
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 accumulate savings and learn new skills, establishing businesses in their hometown which can contribute to economic growth. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 looking for employment within national borders or abroad may happen for some specific reasons.
Although
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 there are some possible downsides of working away, I believe that the potential benefits outweigh its disadvantages.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by using clearer topic sentences and linking phrases. This will help make your points easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This will strengthen your arguments and enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly summarize your main arguments and provide a strong overall message.
task achievement
You effectively stated your opinion that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is the main requirement of the task.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an awareness of both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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