IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

"Governments should impose a higher tax on fast food and sugary drinks to encourage healthier eating habits. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?"

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In recent years, encouraging healthier eating habits has become increasingly prevalent in many countries . Whilst
this
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 Development carries certain notable advantages, it is
also
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 associated with significant drawbacks.
This
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 essay will examine both the benefits and the limitations of imposing a higher cost before offering a concluding assessment. The most significant advantage of imposing a higher tax is to reduce fat and create healthy habits by staying away from fast food .
This
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 is because individuals need to force them to follow a healthy program, which can avoid the higher price of meals.
As a result
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, saving money and health.
For instance
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, there are studies that indicate people need forcing
then
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 adapte with the situation, which clearly demonstrates that increase the globle health. A
further
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 benefit is that reduce consumption.
However
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, imposing a higher price is not without its drawbacks. The primary concern is that people in slums obviously depend on fast snacks.
This
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 is because they cannot afford the prices of other meals.
Consequently
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, they suffer from starvation.
For example
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, American people has significan laying on consumption of food
due to
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 the lower price,
furthermore
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, it gives high energy to complete their busy day, which highlights the risk of theft and crime.
Additionally
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, the economy of the country is affected
due to
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 the tourisum who depended on street meals, which can lead to a decrease in the number of tourists. In conclusion, whilst imposing a higher cost offers healthy habits in lifestyle, it
also
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 presents starvation in the slum. On balance, the advantage outwight disadvantage, and it is essential to represent alternative low-price food.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say early if the good side is stronger or the bad side is stronger.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Now some ideas are too short or not fully clear.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. Some examples now are hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and support it with a clear reason and result.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like first, also, however, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides of the topic.
task response
You try to give examples and results for your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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