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Writing Samples
Band 6

The internet is an amazing invention. It has changed the world. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

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Introduction
Technology is a double-edged sword”. The
internet
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 has been tremendously influential on society. It has changed everything, and not for the better.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the
internet
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 has multiple benefits.
First,
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the
internet
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 is wonderful for knowledge.
For example
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, most of the students
use
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 the
internet
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 for school projects.
As well as
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, teachers take advantage of the
internet
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 to teach their students in the classroom.
Second,
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the
internet
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 is amazing for education , as many students
use
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 it now for taking online classes.
Moreover
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, a majority of doctors , especially surgeons,
use
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 the
internet
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 to keep current with new medical procedures.
Finally
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, the
internet
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 is
also
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 unbelievable for communication.
Whereas
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 many teenagers communicate with their friends through social media.
For example
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, they
use
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 applications
such
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 as Instagram and Snapchat.
In addition
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,
people
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 nowadays share their pictures online through Facebook.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the
internet
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 has several drawbacks.
First,
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health problems are a huge issue , especially with teenagers.
Whereas
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 kids nowadays spend most of their time on the iPad screen, which leads to eye problems.
Moreover
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, adults working in offices suffer back problems, as they spend most of their days on computers and laptops.
Second,
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the excessive
use
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 of the
internet
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 leads to loneliness.
For instance
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, it stops
people
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 from socialising with the outside world.
Also
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,
as a result
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 of loneliness, it may lead to depression.
Finally
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, being overly exposed to the
internet
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 may result in bullying , as not all
people
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 have good intentions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that technology has both advantages and disadvantages.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should
use
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 the
internet
Use synonyms
 in moderation.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. You give many good points, but some need more detail. For example, explain how online study can help people who live far from schools.
task response
Keep your main view clear. The first part says the internet has changed the world “not for the better”, but the essay then gives many strong good points. Use a more balanced opening sentence.
task response
Use more exact examples. Instead of only naming social media apps, show a real use: families can talk by video when they live in different places.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part shape is clear: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are not used in the right way. Do not start a full idea with “Whereas”. Use “For example” or “However” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make the list of ideas easier to follow. In the good-points paragraph, group knowledge and school study together, then move to health work and communication.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words such as “amazing”, “wonderful”, and “unbelievable”. Simple, clear words will make the ideas flow better.
task response
You cover both the good and bad sides of the internet, so the response stays on the topic.
task response
Your points are easy to understand: study, health work, communication, health problems, loneliness, and online bullying.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening and ending, and the ending gives a sensible final message about using the internet in moderation.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “First”, “Second”, and “Finally”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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