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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important to give children a chance to be independent. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that giving youngsters a chance to be independent is significant.
While
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 offering them an opportunity to be independent may lead to poor
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judgement
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judgment
, I believe that providing
children
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the
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with the
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 chance allows them to learn many important
skills
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. One of the most compelling factors is that being independent is beneficial for
children
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.
This
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 means that independence helps them enhance personal growth, build confidence and even problem-solving abilities.
For instance
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, should
children
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 make erroneous
decisions
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, they can learn several
skills
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 from their mistakes. These mistakes allow
children
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 to develop critical thinking
skills
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, adapt to challenges and even become resilient. Apart from that, youngsters try to overcome these problems and challenges. Resultantly, it leads to sound
judgement
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, improved decision-making
skills
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, problem-solving abilities and improved adaptability. The majority of
children
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 learn a lot of crucial and useful
skills
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 from making
decisions
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. After all,
should
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if
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children
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 face bad consequences or the risk of failure, they may overcome them, because most of them know information about making
decisions
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due to
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 life experience.
However
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, there are several counterarguments which are most justifiable. First of all, independence may be dangerous for individuals, especially teenagers, and cause some problems.
In other words
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, youngsters can make impulsive
decisions
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due to
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 limited life experience and a lack of maturity. Many
children
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 may not know about life difficulties.
Additionally
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, they do not understand much information about decision-making
skills
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, sound
judgement
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 and problem-solving abilities.
Consequently
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,
children
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 feel overwhelmed and emotionally vulnerable because of their erroneous mistakes. In some cases, they are afraid of making
decisions
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.
Also
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, it has a negative effect on preparing for adulthood. I mean that
children
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 will not make the right
decisions
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 in their future. In short, being independent brings some problems like poor
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judgement
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judgment
, making impulsive
decisions
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, feeling overwhelmed and emotional vulnerability. In conclusion,
although
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 providing
children
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 with a chance to be independent comes with both negatives and positives, I really agree with the given idea
due to
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 the aforementioned factors.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear, but your main idea can be more direct. Say your position in a simpler way and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
For task response, some ideas are repeated many times, like decision-making, problem-solving, and mistakes. Try to add new points instead of saying the same point again.
task response
For task response, your example is quite general. Add one more clear and real example to make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good. But some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Use shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linkers are used well, like 'however' and 'in conclusion', but others feel too formal or not natural, such as 'resultantly'. Use simple linking words.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the second body paragraph has some ideas that do not connect well, especially the part about adulthood. Explain the link more clearly.
task response
For task response, you answer both sides and give your opinion clearly.
task response
For task response, your essay stays on topic from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you have a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, paragraphing is clear and easy to see.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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