IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 by some that a certain set of penalties ought to be determined for every criminal
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 I understand the reasoning behind the view, I feel that it is necessary to weigh
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the circumstances and motivation regarding the
crime
Use synonyms
 before
establising
Correct your spelling
establishing
 the sanction.
Body paragraph 1
In
sense
Correct article usage
the sense
show examples
 of justice,
assult
Correct your spelling
assault
 is never right
whatever
Punctuation problem
, whatever
show examples
 the
reasons
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the symbol of justice is wearing
blind
Check wording
blindfolds
show examples
.
Where
Correct word choice
Although
show examples
 it
maybe
Verb problem
may
show examples
 look heartless, the
believe
Replace the word
belief
 that no one can measure
someone
Check wording
someone's
show examples
 motivation is one of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. The desire that
rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
show examples
 when
execute
Wrong verb form
executing
show examples
 the
crime
Use synonyms
 can not be
weight
Wrong verb form
weighed
show examples
 into
number
Check wording
numbers
show examples
 because
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the first place, it can not be seen.
Body paragraph 2
When the mind of the defendant can not be read, the
reasons
Use synonyms
 that trigger the
crime
Use synonyms
 can not be dismissed. It is
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
 of
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
 being to react when being attacked. Where the choice of flight is limited or even none,
instinctivelly
Correct your spelling
instinctively
, the mind
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to attack.
Therefore
Linking Words
, before the judge
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
show examples
 the sanction hearing is being held for the defendant to
reasoning
Wrong verb form
explain
show examples
 why the
grief
Correct word choice
grievous
show examples
 event happened.
Body paragraph 3
With both opinions
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 right, I believe that
crime
Use synonyms
 does happend with different
reasons
Use synonyms
. The story behind the event
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be
study
Wrong verb form
studied
show examples
 before punishment is decided.
The humanity
Correct determiner usage
Humanity
show examples
 can not just
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 with numbers.
Tragedy
Correct article usage
The tragedy
show examples
 of
someone
Check wording
someone's
show examples
 life by the doing of someone else
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 cannot be
see
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
 just by the result.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people believe that
fix
Replace the word
fixed
 punishment regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
reasons
Use synonyms
 is ideal, I
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 feel that
reasons
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 behind all the tragedy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about each view, but the ideas are short.
task response
Give your own view more clearly and support it with one or two clear reasons.
task response
Use one simple real life example to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like First, However, For example, Therefore, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Keep word order simple and direct.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: