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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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International
tourism
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 is apoupler topic of discussion. Nowdayes individual prefer to spend their holidays in different countries. Some
people
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 think it has
advantages
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,
while
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 other s it has disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides. There are several
advantages
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 of international
tourism
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.
First,
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enhancing creates jobs for local
people
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.
For example
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, tourists spend money in hotels, restaurants, and shops.
As a result
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, it helps develop economic growth. Another advantage is that
people
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 learn about different cultures and traditions.
For instance
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, cultural exchange helps to increase and develop their knowledge.
Therefore
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, it helps countries build better relationships.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages of international
tourism
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. One major disadvantage is that there is an increase in rubbish and pollution.
For example
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, natural areas can be harmed by a large number of tourists.
As a result
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, that may be couse enviromental damage. Another disadvantage is that crowded streets and public places.
For instance
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, in crowded streets, local residents may feel uncomfortable because being late for appointments is important.
Therefore
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, that may cause higher prices of housing and services.
To conclude
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, international
tourism
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 has both
advantages
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 and disadvantages. In my opinion, the
advantages
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 are stronger because there are economic benefits ,
such
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 as
people
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 gaining job opportunities , and tourists will pay for hotels and shops. Different cultures will
also
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 be exchanged , and learn about the traditions of different countries.
Furthermore
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, International
tourism
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encourges
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encourages
people
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 to become more
open minded
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open-minded
 and respectful of different
weays
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ways
 of life.
This
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 can promote global understanding and cooperation.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. You discuss both sides, but you must say more clearly if the bad points are stronger or the good points are stronger.
task response
Give fuller ideas. Some points are short, so the reader wants more detail about how tourism helps jobs or harms local people.
task response
Use examples that are more specific. Your examples are general. Add one real place or one clear case.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. Keep this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not easy to follow because the link between ideas is weak. Make sure each sentence grows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, like first, for example, and on the other hand. But do not use too many basic links in the same way. Vary them a little.
coherence and cohesion
Check unclear lines like 'enhancing creates jobs' and 'because being late for appointments is important.' These parts break the flow and make the meaning hard to understand.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both good and bad sides of tourism.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the end: the good points are stronger.
task response
You use examples about jobs, culture, rubbish, and crowded places, so your ideas are relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has 4 clear parts: introduction, 2 body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and helps the reader follow your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Basic linking words help connect your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enormous benefit
  • impact
  • local inhabitants
  • environment
  • disadvantages
  • outweigh
  • advantages
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • cultural exchange
  • infrastructure development
  • promotion
  • local products
  • environmental impact
  • exploitation
  • resources
  • cultural erosion
  • increased cost of living
  • overcrowding
  • congestion
  • balancing
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
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