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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the. International music that is heard everywhere nowadays

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The importance and influence of the different
music
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 types on our modern lives are still a subject of intense debate. Some people believe that traditional singing are most important than other sound types and
also
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 plays a vital role in our cultures .
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while
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While
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 others are going with the international tune is a significant sort of
music
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 because it makes the whole world have one ear.In
this
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 essay will discuss both views and
l
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I
 will give my own perspective
at the end
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. On the
frist
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first
 hand, the supporters of the
music
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 that comes from traditional instruments say with a high voice :"we should secure
this
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 sort of
music
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.By reason,it is our identity , and it is the most effective way to transmit cultures to the next generation from the previous parents".
Moreover
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, the local
music
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 contains a rich legacy come from parents' past lives.
For instance
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,memories of victories, victims and hard times. If we take Sudanese
music
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 before one century ago as clear evidence of the previous views, we will notice that
music
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 plays a clear role in transmit event like the KARARY battle and describing it to the next generation , the help alot to save history.
On the other hand
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, the people against the ancient
music
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 and supporting the modern sounds with new instruments and styles, they are saying " tune is a language of the world and people worldwide must speak one sound that make world easier to gather and found same floor to communicate with each other". In my opinion l firmly believe that
,
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apply
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 securing traditional
music
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 and letting it be passed down between generations is most beneficial on secure identity of individuals, transmitting cultures and preserving previous experiences.In conclusion,we see that both views had a correct and logical perspective and clear evidence for how they see the topic.

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task response
Answer both questions more directly. Say clearly why we need music, then say if traditional music is more important or not.
coherence and cohesion
Give one clear main idea in each body part. Do not mix too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well, like First, Also, However, In my view, and In conclusion.
task response
Explain your example more. Show how the Sudanese example supports your point.
task response
Make your opinion clear from the start and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
You answered both sides and gave your own view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used one real example about Sudanese music, which helps your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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