IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In order to cover the increasing cost of expenses, more and more people work very long shifts or have two or more jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages

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A significant number of individuals
work
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 for different companies simultaneously or
work
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 extra
hours
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 so as to meet their skyrocketing expenditures.
While
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this
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 lifestyle has some advantages, I believe that the disadvantages of working extra
hours
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 or having more than one
job
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 outweigh the advantages. One major advantage of participating in different
job
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 environments would be beneficial for professionals in acquiring new abilities. Having different
job
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 responsibilities, individuals can broaden their knowledge and experience of the new tasks , and they would get a chance to be promoted in a short time , or they could find a more lucrative opportunity in a different company.
For example
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, a friend of mine who worked part-time as a freelance graphic designer alongside her full-time marketing
job
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 was eventually promoted to creative director, as the skills she gained from freelancing made her a more versatile employee.
Therefore
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, there is a link between having varied
job
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 experience and
work
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 performance.
However
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, working extra
hours
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 leads to mental fatigue
that is
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 extremely harmful
for
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to
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 people. By having a very busy schedule, adults cannot create free time after
work
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 that would enable them to relax or spend time with their family.
As a result
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, people feel more anxious, and they have to spend more money on getting mental help from a professional.To illustrate, my former colleague at a logistics company took on a second
job
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 as a delivery driver in the evenings to cover rising rent costs. Within a few months, he began experiencing chronic sleep deprivation and irritability, and eventually had to seek therapy to manage his stress levels — ironically spending a significant portion of his extra income on
counseling sessionsThus
Punctuation problem
counselling sessions. Thus
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, working extra
hours
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 has a great detrimental effect on people's lives. In conclusion,
although
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 working extra
hours
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 or working simultaneously at different companies has some advantages,
such
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 as intensifying
job
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 experience, it has an extremely negative impact on mental health. These drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

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task response
Answer both sides a bit more evenly. You explain the bad side more than the good side.
coherence cohesion
Make your main idea at the start of each body part very clear and short.
task response
Check small grammar and word form errors because they can make your ideas less clear.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but do not use very long sentences too often.
task response
Give one more direct point about the good side, not only skills and promotion.
task response
You answer the question and give both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
Your examples are relevant and help support your ideas.
task response
Your opinion is clear: the disadvantages are stronger.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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