IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that different
competition
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 at school
or
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,
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 at
job
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a job
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or
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, or
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 in real life is a really positive thing. The other side of the public argues that we need to unite more, rather than compete with each other. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these views and explain why I believe that cooperative
work
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 is more effective. On the one hand, some
people
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 think that a
competition
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 can be
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 effective method to achieve some goals at
work
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 or study. There are several reasons for
this
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; the first one is that
this
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 method can help
people
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 to
work
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 more productively. In the psychological perspective,
competition
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 might create a pressure situation and
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 that way
increasing
Wrong verb form
, increase
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 productivity. In daily life, it is often the case.
For example
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, some
people
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 compete with others on child-relating.
On the other hand
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, the opposite view is that we must cooperate more than compete with each other. It is commonly believed that a positive atmosphere can provide more effective
work
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 or study, because of the increasing number of
people
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 who are doing the same
work
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. A heavy goal is easily achieved when
people
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work
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 together.
In addition
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, it feels less stressful, because employers share the same idea and views. Personally, I believe that cooperative
work
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 is more effective than
competition
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. In my opinion, cooperation usually produces better long-term results and benefits society as a whole. In conclusion,
competition
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 can help
people
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 stay productive and achieve better results because of pressure and
competition
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. The cooperative
work
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 helps
people
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 to achieve long-term results, and reduce
level
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the level
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 of stress.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the ideas are a bit short.
task response
Give one clear and real example for each side. Your example about children is not clear enough.
task response
Explain your own view more. You say cooperation is better, but you need one more reason.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas more smoothly with simple linking words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point with a short explanation and example, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order, so the reader can follow your main message.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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