There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, especially youngsters are under pressure to pass academically. Because of

this

Linking Words

, people are of the opinion that

subjects

Use synonyms

which are not academic like physical exercise and cooking, should be cancelled from learning institutions so the

students

Use synonyms

can be more focused on academic

subjects

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Firstly

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, I think in today's World the syllabus in schools has been made very hard mainly for academic

subjects

Use synonyms

, which requires ample time for learners to consume the knowledge.

For instance

Linking Words

, courses

such

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as artificial intelligence ,

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are not only important but are now present in the course outline. These courses are very tough to understand and demand time to study, which

Verb problem

makes it

show examples

tough to pay attention to other disciplines like cookery.

Moreover

Linking Words

, having

students

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study more

subjects

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can have a potential effect on their bodies making them stressed.

However

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this

Linking Words

does not mean that

students

Use synonyms

should avoid taking classes in physical learning and cookery, as they are for their well-being only.

For example

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, taking physical classes can help

students

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to stay fit in life which is one of the most important things in the World.

Besides

Linking Words

, some people can become more successful in life by learning other skills which are non-academic,

such

Linking Words

as cricket or cooking. In conclusion, non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

are not important because it is very hard to give time for them when dealing with academics and sometimes it may lead to stress. But, neglecting them is

also

Linking Words

not a great idea as they might end up being successful in those areas. I strongly disagree that removing those courses is probably not a good idea as it is for the benefit of the

students

Use synonyms

hassan05.quadriTue Sep 17 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear opinion and addresses both sides of the argument, which is good for achieving a complete response. However, aim to develop your ideas more fully to enhance clarity and comprehension.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is relatively clear, but try to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can increase coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

Although you provide some examples, they could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments. This would strengthen the task response and coherence of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion nicely sums up your opinion while acknowledging both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction clearly states the topic and provides a good starting point for your discussions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Your opinion

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