IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think that the government should provide assistance for artists such as musicians, painters, and poets. others think that it is a waste of money. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many people argue that
artists
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 should receive financial support from the
government
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,
while
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 others contend that public funds should be allocated to more essential
sectors
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 and that spending taxpayers' money on the arts is unjustified.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints before explaining why I believe
government
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 resources should primarily be directed towards areas of greater public necessity. On the one hand, supporters of state funding for
artists
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 argue that the arts play a vital role in preserving a nation's cultural heritage and identity. Musicians, painters, writers, and other creative professionals enrich society through their work, yet many struggle to earn a stable income. Without financial assistance, talented individuals may be forced to abandon artistic careers in favour of more secure professions.
As a result
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, societies could experience a decline in cultural development and creative innovation.
Furthermore
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,
government
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 support can help ensure that artistic expression remains accessible to people from all socioeconomic backgrounds rather than becoming a privilege reserved for the wealthy.
On the other hand
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, critics maintain that limited public resources should be prioritised for
sectors
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 that directly affect citizens' quality of life. In many countries, governments are facing pressing challenges
such
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 as economic instability, climate-related disasters, food insecurity, and inadequate healthcare systems. Allocating additional funding to agriculture,
for instance
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, can strengthen food production and reduce the risk of shortages,
while
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 investment in healthcare can improve medical services and save lives. Given the finite nature of
government
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 budgets, directing resources towards these essential
sectors
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 is often considered a more practical and beneficial use of public money.
Moreover
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, many forms of art are capable of generating their own revenue. Successful musicians earn income through performances, streaming platforms, and commercial collaborations,
while
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 painters and writers can profit from the sale of their work. In today's digital age,
artists
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also
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 have access to numerous online platforms that enable them to reach global audiences and monetise their talents independently.
Consequently
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,
government
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 subsidies may not be necessary for a large proportion of
artists
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. In conclusion,
although
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 public funding can help
artists
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 contribute to cultural enrichment and preserve national heritage, I believe governments should prioritise
sectors
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such
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 as healthcare, agriculture, and economic development, as these areas address more immediate societal needs and provide greater benefits for the population as a whole.

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task response
For task response, your answer is full and clear. To get a higher score, add one more very clear example for each side.
task response
For task response, your opinion is clear, but you can make it stronger by saying it a little earlier too, not only at the end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. To improve more, use a few linking words with more care so the flow feels even more natural.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, paragraph 3 is good, but it could connect more directly to paragraph 2 because both support your view.
task response
You answered all parts of the question and gave your own view clearly.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and well explained in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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