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Band 7

New technologies and ways of buying and selling goods are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#technologies #goods #lives #consumers
A statement asserts that new technologies and the market system are changing the lives of customers. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 statement. I believe that
this
 digital era has hugely transformed consumers' ways of shopping. The availability of online market platforms and virtual banking
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to the shift in buyers' behaviours.
Firstly
, technological advancements have given the opportunities for entrepreneurs to initiate the creation of online market applications. These platforms provide a new space for retailers to sell their products virtually.
Therefore
, with global accessibility, individuals will easily search for their targeted items digitally and purchase them directly without having to visit any physical store.
This
 condition
further
 makes consumers feel convenient and transforms their ways of purchasing goods.
Secondly
, virtual bankings affect the reliance of customers on their smartphones to pay for their goods.
This
 option is quite preferable compared to reaching an automated teller machine which requires plenty of time and effort. In fact, QRIS, which is a barcode-based transaction system which is available in most mobile bankings, has vastly contributed to a fewer ATM utilization in Indonesia.
Furthermore
, most markets and shops already provide
this
 payment option.
Hence
, the figure of buyers that choose
this
 method has elevated. In conclusion, the transformation of consumers' lives did happen
due to
furtherance
Correct article usage
the furtherance
show examples
 of technology and transactional interactions,
such
 as the development of digital markets and virtual banks.
Moreover
, with the speed of today's technology, it is possible that more noticeable advancements might be introduced in the years ahead.
Submitted by jelitasofiaz on

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coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in tense usage to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop ideas further with a more varied range of sentence structures and cohesive devices.
task achievement
Illustrate your points with more detailed and tangible examples to provide depth.
task achievement
Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarises the essay's main points and reiterates your opinion clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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