IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To some extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people say it is more important to plant
trees
Use synonyms
 in the open
spaces
Use synonyms
 in towns and
cities
Use synonyms
 than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Body paragraph 1
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 an increasing number of
population
Check wording
people
show examples
 concede it is essential to care for planting and growing
trees
Use synonyms
 in city areas rather than
setup
Wrong verb form
setting up
show examples
 residences.
Although
Linking Words
 I accept that growing plants has some positive implications on weather
condition
Check wording
conditions
show examples
, I mostly believe that it
isn't
Verb problem
doesn't
show examples
 have benefits,
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
show examples
 can lead to negative results .
Body paragraph 2
The key reason why housing should be
prioritized
Change the spelling
prioritised
show examples
 is that having
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 area and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 space for basic human
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
.As an urban population increases, many
cities
Use synonyms
 encounter problems
such
Linking Words
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of parking
spaces
Use synonyms
, overcrowding and a shortage
available
Change preposition
of available
show examples
 houses.If the governments start a huge number of
forestation
Fix the agreement mistake
forestations
show examples
, there will be fewer opportunities to construct new housing or free space.
This
Linking Words
 will lead to more expensive accommodation and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 area.
Therefore
Linking Words
, using some suitable open
spaces
Use synonyms
 for residential development , it can assist
cities
Use synonyms
 to prevent
such
Linking Words
kind
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
problems.
Body paragraph 3
Another reason is that planting
trees
Use synonyms
 does not necessary acquire specific land that can be used for living.
Cities
Use synonyms
 can develop green areas or parks along roads
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or
nearby
Change preposition
near
show examples
 residential buildings.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 modern residential projects must
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
include
trees
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
gardens in their housing estate .In
this
Linking Words
 way, governments can provide new buildings,
while
Linking Words
 keeping
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy urban environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 citizens.
This
Linking Words
 approach would be more beneficial than simply choosing reforestation over residential areas.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,I completely disagree with
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 statement
like
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 planting
trees
Use synonyms
 in open
spaces
Use synonyms
 is more negligible than adding
another
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
various houses.
Although
Linking Words
 green
space
Correct subject-verb agreement
spaces
show examples
 are valuable , authorities should first ensure that individuals have
enough
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sufficient location and affordable accommodation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view in a clear way at the start. You mostly disagree, so keep this same view in the whole essay. Do not say trees have no benefits; say housing is more important when there is not enough low cost housing.
task response
Explain the main ideas more fully. For example, show how a lack of homes can make rents go up, make families share small homes, or push people far from work.
task response
Use one clear real-life example in each main part. You could write about a city with many people but few homes, or new flats with trees, small parks, and roof gardens.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make the links between ideas smoother. Use simple link words such as "First", "Also", "For example", "As a result", and "However".
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first main part, focus only on why homes are needed. In the next part, focus only on ways to add trees without using all open land.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your view. The phrase "more negligible" changes the meaning. Say clearly that housing should come first, while cities should still make room for trees.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Some are hard to follow because they have many ideas. Write shorter sentences with one clear point in each sentence.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear main view: homes should come first when cities need more space for people.
task response
Your idea of putting trees near roads and homes shows a fair view. You do not ignore the need for green space.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a useful basic shape: an opening, two main parts, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
The two main parts have different jobs, so the reader can follow your main line of thought.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • open space
  • housing shortage
  • affordable home
  • green area
  • public health
  • clean air
  • shade
  • quality of life
  • mental health
  • urban heat
  • smart planning
  • high-rise building
  • empty land
  • shared garden
  • long-term benefit
  • balance
  • protect nature
  • local people
  • daily life
  • future generation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: