Multicultural societies in which there are a mixture of ethnic people bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Diversity brings lots of benefits , whether it's at the national level or the individual level. Many individuals argue that diverse cultures with different skilled workers and professionals, from different communities and beliefs, bring with them various advantages. I firmly agree with
this
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notion because it is evident from various developed countries that a strong reason behind their progress is the availability of mixed expertise. I will discuss both the merits and demerits of mixed cultures for any country's development, and
then
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conclude with my opinion.
To begin
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with, various developing and developed countries made immigration policies to attract skilled professionals to participate in their growth without focusing on their nationalities or religions.
For instance
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, if we talk about Canada or Australia, both regions have made rapid growth in multiple sectors of their economy , and
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because of the availability of a required set of human resources. These countries invited Asians, Africans, Chinese and various other nationals to get their contribution in economic progress.
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, it can be assumed that a combination of multipple set of skills , including doctors, engineers, accountants and other trades, made it possible to develop a society or nation in front of the world.
Secondly
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, in each society, good and bad elements always exist , and these are well managed through local laws and other initiatives from authorities.
For instance
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, some extreme religious individuals try to implement their own point of view and some cases were reported in international journals.
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, expressing their nationalism or nepotism, some countrymen try to favour their own nationals in certain ways, making it difficult for certain sectors to live in
such
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a society. In conclusion, there is no doubt that mix culture and a variety of skill sets for any nation brings more advantages and areas with improvements. I believe that the merits of multiculturalism are more than its demerits. I would recommend that developing nations should invite professionals from across the world without any differentiation of religion or nationality , rather focusing on the required expertise.

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task response
For task response, answer the question more directly. You say you agree, but you also say you will discuss both sides. Keep your main view clear from start to end.
task response
For task response, explain the drawbacks more fully. You mention some problems, but the ideas are short and not fully developed.
task response
For task response, use examples with more detail. Canada and Australia are good examples, but explain more clearly how diversity helped them.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each body paragraph focus on one clear main idea. The second body paragraph moves fast and feels less connected.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use linking words in a more natural way. Words like 'therefore', 'secondly', and 'furthermore' are good, but sometimes the flow is still not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check paragraph unity. Some sentences are long and carry too many ideas at once, so the reader may lose the main point.
task response
For task response, your opinion is clear. You agree that multicultural societies bring more benefits.
task response
For task response, you use relevant examples such as Canada and Australia.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use basic linking words to connect ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • culture
  • people
  • country
  • benefit
  • drawback
  • mix
  • work
  • job
  • skill
  • money
  • grow
  • trade
  • business
  • idea
  • food
  • music
  • art
  • language
  • education
  • law
  • policy
  • tolerance
  • discrimination
  • integration
  • cooperation
  • change
  • peace
  • safe
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