IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
Some people think that concentration has been diminished by the commonness of social networks. To some extent, I think that the instant gratification of human beings is one of the major reasons for that,
however
,external factors
such
 as stress are stimulating to the shortening of sustained attention as well. One reason, I agree with the notion is that modern technology users have a divided focus which is coming from the penetration of social media platforms into our daily lives. The reason is the nature of people who tend to prefer immediate satisfaction rather than mindful technology use.
As a result
, users are becoming more dependent on appealing and entertaining content from various internet sources.
Hence
, the more a person interacts with digital networks, the less attention span will be. Others argue that social platforms are the major reason for distractibility. In my point of view, apart from that, exogenous elements, which are an integral part of our regular life, have affected the aforementioned negative points. Especially, stress causes destructive consequences to concentrated thinking, and plays the role of detrimental stimulus when the person is deeply engrossed with the particular assignment.
For instance
, there are a lot of young adults who have been disturbed by unconscious thoughts of financial concerns and unrealized expectations. In conclusion,
while
 networking applications harmfully decrease focus time, I would argue that not only that factor, but external elements are one of the main notions to fluctuate our attention.
Submitted by ealiyev13182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas, resulting in a less coherent structure. This can be improved by clearly delineating each point and using a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task and presents a clear position, but some main points are not fully developed. It is advised to expand on key points and provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!