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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

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With advancements in technology, more individuals have gained access to smartphones.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 their increased availability and cheaper rates, more
children
Use synonyms
 can be seen using their mobile phones, which increases the likelihood of misuse. I partially believe that
this
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 is a negative trend, as these devices provide easy entree to harmful content or distractions.
To begin
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 with, globalisation has been the leading factor in the development of digital devices, primarily mobile phones.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 their increased availability and cheaper rates, adults began to purchase these gadgets for their work. Gradually, with COVID-19 acting as a catalyst, businesses and educational institutions moved their operations to a digital base in order to sustain in these harsh conditions.
This
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, in turn, forced parents to purchase these gadgets for their
children
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 so that they can continue their students without problems.
Additionally
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, in recent years, social media platforms have gained enormous followings and helped establish a societal norm that emphasizes the importance of owning a mobile phone, regardless of age, often driven by peer pressure and the desire to fit in. Some argue that these devices are essential in a person's life because they help individuals stay informed about global updates through digital news and even enable them to work remotely from the comfort of their homes.
However
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, most
children
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 are underage to take on a job and
therefore
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, spend their valuable time watching,
for instance
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, Instagram Reels or in meaningless online interactions.
Furthermore
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, these gadgets hinder parental supervision by providing their
children
Use synonyms
 easy access to harmful and inappropriate content and
this
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 can lead to smartphone addiction, negatively impacting their studies and ultimately, their future. In conclusion, the growing trend of owning a smartphone is negative for
children
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due to
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 their negative consequences,
for instance
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, easy access to harmful and inappropriate content and smartphone addiction. Ultimately, causing them to suffer in studies, physical and mental health.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or empirical data to strengthen your argument. This can help demonstrate your points more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure all your ideas are elaborated on sufficiently. Some points could use more depth to enhance clarity and development.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, use more varied linking words or phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
A clearer delineation between your ideas in paragraphs can improve logical flow. Ensure each paragraph has a unique focus that ties back explicitly to your thesis.
content
The introductory paragraph includes a clear thesis statement that outlines your position on the topic.
content
You have effectively addressed both the reasons for smartphone usage and its implications, giving a broad picture of the situation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital devices
  • smartphone addiction
  • online interactions
  • developmental impact
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • academic performance
  • parental supervision
  • proliferation of apps
  • engaging content
  • excessive use
  • sedentary lifestyle
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