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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to get up early in the morning and start the day’s work. Others prefer to get up later in the day and work until late at night. Which do you prefer?

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While
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 some prefer to get their
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day's
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day
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 started early, others prefer remaining awake late at
night
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 and completing their
work
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 late at
night
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. I prefer to
work
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 in the morning, because I complete tasks more efficiently and enjoy resting later in the
day
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.
Firstly
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, I am at my most energetic the moment I wake up, and
thus
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 operate more efficiently.
In contrast
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, I usually return home feeling fatigued after my usual afternoon classes.
For instance
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, when I do my daily review flashcards before my classes, they take around one hour to complete,
while
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 when I review them after a long
day
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 of classes, they take me up to double the
time
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 to finish.
This
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 clear disparity in my own efficiency
,
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 makes me feel less accomplished when I
work
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 during the later hours of the
day
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. Another reason I enjoy working in the morning
,
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 is
due to
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 how important resting is to me. Whenever I have to complete my
work
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 later in the
day
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, I take away from
this
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time
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, which leads to my mental and physical health
getting deteriorated
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deteriorating
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.
For example
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, when I study at
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night
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night,
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 I do not get to rest, sleep later, and have to rush to class the next
day
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.
This
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 can be a
viscious
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vicious
 cycle which impacts all facets of my life.
Therefore
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, my preference is to
work
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 earlier in the
day
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,
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apply
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 and allow myself
time
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 to relax
in the
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at
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night
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. In conclusion, completing
work
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 later in the
day
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,
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apply
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 yields
to
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apply
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worse results for me.
Subsequently
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, I prefer performing my tasks in the morning, when I feel
more fresh
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fresher
. I am able to accomplish more with my
time
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in
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at
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 the start of the
day
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, without disturbing my resting periods.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea even more clear in each body part. Put the first line in a very direct way.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts have extra commas, and some links sound a little forced.
task achievement
Give one more clear detail in each example to make your point stronger.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more full way by showing why the other choice is less good for you.
task achievement
Check small word form and grammar errors because they can make ideas less clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence cohesion
Each body part stays on one main point.
task achievement
You answer the question and give your opinion all the way through the essay.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and come from real life.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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