IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a smartphone to make calls, send and receive emails, access the internet, and so on, has become an essential part of many people's lives. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's world, technology has become an important part of our lives and
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 has been a game changer in connecting to people and getting
alot
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a lot
 of work things done at ease.
While
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it's
Correct determiner usage
its
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 benefits may exceed its drawbacks, I think the drawbacks
is
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are
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 not an issue we have to leave out in
this
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 conversation. No doubt the internet has become part of our lives
,
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.
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For example
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, using smartphones creates a bond
betwwen
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between
 our loved ones
no
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, no
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 matter the distance, it helps us stay connected. Even in the corporate world, use of the digital
space
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 has enabled an
enviroment
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environment
 where remote jobs can be done even without
been
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being
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 physically present. Projects and
milesones
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milestones
 are
been
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apply
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achieved through application which the technology has created, clients are able to
recieve
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receive
 updates through emails and text messages.
In as much
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Inasmuch
 as we keep talking about its benefits, I will
also
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 give key downsides of using the internet if not properly regulated.
For example
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, younger adults (
teanagers
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teenagers
) having access to the digital
space
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 can be a problem if not properly managed by parents using parental controls
,
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.
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 I believe there should always be a limit to access when it comes to
this
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. The internet can be a tool for negative influence
which
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, which
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 can contain inappropriate content and can cause
a
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apply
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huge damage to the mental health of individuals. Another example would be exposure to cyber crimes
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such
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, such
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 as fraud
through
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, through
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this
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 means. The list could go on and on.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 digital
space
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 been of utmost benefit
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 can lead to access
of large
Correct word order
to large amounts of
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 information. In conclusion,
while
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 I agree that the benefits can outweigh the drawbacks, it
should be very
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is
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 crucial
to not
Unsplit the infinitive
not to
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 overlook anything when it comes to the digital
Use synonyms
space
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space,
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 as it needs to be properly regulated. There should be a balance both ways.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly from the start. Say if the good points are greater than the bad points, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two more clear and real examples to support your ideas. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Some points are good, but they need a little more detail to show why they matter.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your plan more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump a bit, so use simple linking words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some errors make the flow less clear.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You include both good and bad sides of smartphone and internet use.
task response
Your examples about family contact, remote work, and online risk are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure that is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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