IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some peole say that music is a good way of bringing people of diiferent cultures and ages to together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Many individuals claim that
music
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 is an effective method for bringing
people
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 of different age groups and cultures
toghether
Correct your spelling
together
. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
music
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 should be shared across the
world
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 so
people
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 from different nations could participate in it.
Music
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 is a type of art that many
people
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 enjoy, especially when it
reprecents
Verb problem
represents
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 a culture or a tradition. It is considered a good way of bringing
people
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 together from all over the
world
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. Many members of the society have fun listening to folk
music
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 that teaches them about the country and its customs.These
songs
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 express their
countrys
Check wording
country's
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 cultural beliefs so
people
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over
Rephrase
all over
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 the
world
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 could know them.
For example
Linking Words
.
the fifa
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The FIFA World Cup
world
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 cup song managed to bring
people
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 from different ages and cultures together.
Also
Linking Words
,
music
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 makes learning a language much easier
,
Punctuation problem
;
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people
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 tend to listen to these
songs
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 to learn
an
Correct article usage
a
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 few words in a specific language.And some
song writers
Correct your spelling
songwriters
 claim that their
songs
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 were designed to showcase their culture and traditions so more
people
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 would engage and be interested in it.Individuals listen to
songs
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 of different countries to learn about their customs and find the difference between their own traditions and the other
nations
Check wording
nations'
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 traditions.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
i
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I
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 think that it's
such
Linking Words
 a great way to bring
people
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 together through
music
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.
Music
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 can show
people
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's
difference's
Check wording
differences
show examples
 in
cultrual's
Correct your spelling
cultures
 which brings them closer together.Many enjoy listening to them just to connect with different
people
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 from different nations. In conclusion, many members of the community enjoy tuning in to
music
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 that doesn’t relate to them and comes from a different country.It is
agood
Correct your spelling
a good
 way to bring them together to share their differences and knowledge.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some are good, but some parts still feel repeated.
task achievement
Add one or two more clear examples to support your ideas better.
task achievement
Explain your ideas more fully. Some points are good but a bit short or general.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay answers the question and your opinion is clear.
task achievement
You stay on the topic of music, culture, and age.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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