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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that school uniforms are beneficial because they promote equality among students. Others think that students should be allowed to wear whatever they like to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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School
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uniforms
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 are often considered an important part of the
education
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 system, as they promote equality among
students
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. I strongly agree that
school
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uniforms
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 are beneficial because they reduce social pressure and help
students
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 focus more on their studies. One major advantage of
school
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uniforms
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 is that they create a sense of equality among
students
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. When all
students
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 wear the same clothing, differences in financial background become less visible, which helps to reduce social comparison and pressure.
As a result
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,
students
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 are less likely to feel inferior or excluded based on their appearance.
For instance
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, in countries
such
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 as Japan,
school
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uniforms
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 are strictly implemented, and
this
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 has contributed to a more balanced and disciplined
school
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 environment where
students
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 are judged by their abilities rather than their clothing. Another important benefit is that
school
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uniforms
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 allow
students
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 to concentrate more on their
education
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instead
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 of worrying about fashion. Without the pressure of choosing trendy or expensive clothes,
students
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 can focus their time and energy on academic activities.
This
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also
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 reduces distractions and competition related to appearance.
Consequently
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, schools become more focused learning environments where academic performance is prioritised over personal style. In conclusion,
school
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uniforms
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 play a significant role in promoting fairness and improving
students
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’ focus on
education
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that the use of
school
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uniforms
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 is a positive development in the
education
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 system.

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task response
You did not fully discuss both sides. You mainly wrote about why uniforms are good. Add one full paragraph about why some people want free choice of clothes.
task response
Give your own opinion after you discuss both views, and make it very clear from start to end.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but they need a little more depth. Explain why the other side may also seem right to some students.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good, but the question asks for two views, so the body is not fully balanced.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to show contrast, such as 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'in contrast'. This will help the flow.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be supported a bit more. One example is given, but the second body paragraph could use a more clear example too.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion matches your opinion and ends the essay well.
task response
Your main ideas about equality and study focus are relevant to the topic.
task response
You used one clear example about Japan, which supports your point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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