IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays, some say that
people
Use synonyms
 living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
show examples
, others say that it's very
fasinating
Correct your spelling
fascinating
 to live in
high-rise
Correct article usage
a high-rise
show examples
 apartment. Personally, both sides of the issue are right from my perspective.
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both ways are below. On the one hand,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree, some
people
Use synonyms
 who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in popular apartments are lonely and unhappy.
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 first major reason is living so far from family for
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 or higher studies.
people
Use synonyms
 are coping
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others and buy high-rise places for living
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
with the
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 they realised that expensive places or staying in the
porche
Correct your spelling
porch
 area does not give us
happyness
Replace the word
happiness
.
some
Capitalize the word
Some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do jobs like 9 to 5
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 after
5
Punctuation problem
5,
show examples
when they come home and feel stressed and alone.
that
Capitalize the word
That
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 they
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 somebody to talk to them and listen
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 daily thing which happened
with
Change preposition
to them
show examples
then
Linking Words
 in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example, one survey conducted
last
Linking Words
 year by the government
Linking Words
that
Verb problem
found that
show examples
 is why
people
Use synonyms
 are so stressed and going into depression in so early stage of their life, after survey has done they found the reason behind it
which
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
people
Use synonyms
stay
Correct pronoun usage
who stay
show examples
individual
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in big cities for
work
Use synonyms
 or education
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are more stressed
then
Linking Words
 a society who live with
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 family or live in a group.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some independent individuals
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find it interesting to live in flats.
they
Capitalize the word
They
show examples
 are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the others doing
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
in
Change preposition
during the
show examples
 day
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 but they make their
Use synonyms
time-table
Correct your spelling
timetable
 according
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
prefrences
Correct your spelling
preferences
.
they
Capitalize the word
They
show examples
 do some activities after
work
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 gym, evening walks, friends gatherings and clubs
etc.
Punctuation problem
, etc.
show examples
with
Capitalize the proper name
With
show examples
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
show examples
 they feel more freedom
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they live without any restrictions
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 comes from their parents if they live with them.
some
Capitalize the word
Some
show examples
 are very smart
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 share
room
Correct article usage
a room
show examples
 or place with their friends
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they manage
work
Use synonyms
 and cooking
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 instance, in one of the famous
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 in india its name is
mumbai
Punctuation problem
Mumbai. People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 come there to become a actor they are very happily share apartments with
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 partners and spot each other to reduce stress and lonelyness , they spent their
time
Use synonyms
to guide
Wrong verb form
guiding
show examples
 each other and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 acting practices together at home. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion to my way of thinking,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
totally depends upon the person who
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
show examples
 in
high-rise
Correct article usage
a high-rise
show examples
 apartment.
if
Capitalize the word
If
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do things
according to
Linking Words
 their needs and do some extra
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
along with
Linking Words
Use synonyms
work
Punctuation problem
work,
show examples
 like
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 with friends or
Correct article usage
a partner
show examples
partner
Punctuation problem
partner,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they never feel lonely and unhappy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Write a clear answer to the question in the first part. Your view is there, but it is not fully clear.
task response
Discuss both sides in a more equal way. The first side has more detail than the second side.
task response
Use examples that are simple and direct. Some examples are too long or hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea one clear point, then explain it. Now some lines have many ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Use full stops more well. Some sentences are very long and this makes reading hard.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, however, and in conclusion.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: