IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide the public a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

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It is widely acknowledged that
crime
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rates
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 are a major concern for countries.
While
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 some people believe that
prison
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 provides a better solution to fight against
crime
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, I strongly believe that
education
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 can reduce
crime
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rates
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 considerably because it can ensure social integration for criminals, and give an opportunity for them to obtain a
profession
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant examples and arguments. The foremost reason to support my view is that
education
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 has a great impact on improving social integration.
This
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 is because
education
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, supported by
well-structured
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a well-structured
show examples
 curriculum, leads them to learn from their mistakes
,
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apply
show examples
 and gives
a
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them a
show examples
chance to become
a
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apply
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better person.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 they can acquire good behaviours and empathy through training, thereby allowing them to continue a normal life.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 some countries,
such
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 as
U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
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 and
UK
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the UK
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, implement a strict
education
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, which
Check wording
system, which
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 has a developmental plan for
prisoners
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, enabling them to understand their
resposibilities
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responsibilities
 in
the
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apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
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,
education
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 ensures more significant opportunities than
the
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apply
show examples
prison
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 by providing a more redeemable way. Another reason to justify my stance is that
education
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also
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 provides
prisoners
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 with a chance to gain
qualification
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qualifications
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. Most criminals commit a
crime
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 because they don't have a
profession
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. Obtaining a
profession
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, fuelled by receiving
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education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
, drives criminals to find an opportunity to work after their release.
As a result
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, it decreases the probability of
commiting
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committing
 a
crime
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 again. To illustrate, Turkey has professional courses which enable
prisoners
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 to obtain a
profession
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, leading to lower
crime
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rates
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 after taking available courses during their sentence.
Thus
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, there is a strong positive relationship between
education
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 and issues of
crime
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. In conclusion,
while
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 some individuals argue that
prison
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 provides better solutions to decrease
crime
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rates
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, I firmly maintain that
education
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 ensures more reasonable and effective solutions because it gives
prisoners
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 a chance to obtain a
profession
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 and improve social integration. These benefits can be far greater than being senteced for life in
prison
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.

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task response
Make your main idea more direct in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear example to make your points stronger.
task response
Explain more how education cuts crime, step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with more care, and avoid long sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Check small jumps in meaning between some sentences.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow and in a good order.
task response
Your examples are linked to your main ideas.
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