Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being benefical, this is a danger to our societies. What are your views?

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In
this
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modern world, the significant rise of uncontrolled access to various information has sparked considerable debate. Some
individuals
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argue that providing entry to the global network poses a threat;
however
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, others believe it offers valuable insights, including myself.
This
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essay will examine both viewpoints and present a reasoned conclusion. Many people believe that using the internet wisely has a
convenient
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positive
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impact on
individuals
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for several reasons.
For example
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, it can assist with studies and homework. A survey conducted by the Saudi Ministry in 2013 indicates that the majority of students rely on computers to complete their homework.
Furthermore
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, we are living in an accelerated digital era, and obtaining information has become swift.
Moreover
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, communication has become easier and cheaper. If someone wants to learn a new language but cannot afford the fees to travel, nowadays they have full
availability
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access
to get whatever they want wherever it is at no cost.
Also
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,
individuals
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can communicate across various cultures and traditions within seconds.
On the other hand
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, others argue that wide access to cyberspace is dangerous for many
factors
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reasons
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.
For instance
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, having free use of phones and computers for children or even adults could cause side effects. Children do not possess the knowledge of how dangerous it is to speak to others or play with them.
For example
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,
while
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playing Roblox in 2020, there was a case of child abuse by an adult who lived on the other side of the world, encouraging
this
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kid to commit suicide.
Therefore
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, online activities have to be monitored. In conclusion, both viewpoints have their own merits.
While
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modern technology could be more efficient, it is
also
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true that the internet platform hosts a diverse and unpredictable mix of users. After considering both points, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of
utilizing
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utilising
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this
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platform, and success ultimately depends on how
individuals
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deal with it.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. The topic asks if fast and free flow of information is a danger to society. Your view is clear, but you should explain it more fully in each body part.
task response
Use ideas that stay closer to society as a whole, not only personal use. For example, talk about fake news, crime, privacy, or learning.
task response
Your examples are useful, but one example about a game is very long and very specific. Add one more example about society in general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: intro, two body parts, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, like 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion'. But some sentences are too long. Split them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea stronger with clearer topic sentences. This helps the reader follow your point step by step.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. This fits the task well.
task response
You include examples to support your ideas, such as study use and online risk for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because the parts are in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
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