A rise in the use of mobile phones in the classroom by schoolchildren is severely impacting their concentration in class and overall education development. What are the causes of the problem, and what can be done to solve it ?

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It is undeniable that the issue of using mobile
phones
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in the classroom has become increasing commen in recent years.
This
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problem has affected many
students
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' concentration in
class
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and
overall
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educational development.
This
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essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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issue and suggest effective solutions. There is serveal reasons why
this
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problem occurs. On majoer cause is allowes to
students
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by bringing their
phones
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to
class
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room.
This
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is because schools do not have strict rules about mobile
phones
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, and there are no clear punshiment prevent them from using.
As a result
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,
students
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continue using it during the lesson. Another significant reason, they watch social media, message their friends and play games.
This
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can lead to a reduction in their concentration , and it distracts them.
For example
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, some
students
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spend their time using social media
instead
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of listening to their teachers. To address
this
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issue, several measures can be taken.
Firstly
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, schooles shoud ban mobile
phones
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during lessons, they should put them in custom boxes or the teashers collects
phones
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before the start of the
class
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.
This
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would help because of increased focus in lessons without being busy with
phones
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.
Secondly
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, parents should monitor their children's phone
use
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. By setting a time to
use
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it and encouraging children to study more
instead
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of using
phones
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. In conclusion, the
use
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of mobile
phones
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in the classroom by schoolchildren is mainly caused by
students
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attending
class
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with
phones
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and spend the time on social media or playing games.
However
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, by implementing measures
such
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as banning the
use
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of
phones
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in
class
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and parents keep watching their
students
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'
phones
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,
this
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problem can be reduced effectively.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully: causes and solutions need a bit more detail.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas.
task response
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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some sentences need better grammar to connect ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea and develop it step by step.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about both causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You used simple paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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