IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Although
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 in recent days a significant amount of advertisements aim at
children
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, a number of people contend that it has an adverse effect on the
children
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 and should be prohibited. I strongly disagree with
this
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 because not only does it allow for social exposure, but it
also
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 boosts decision-making. One major reason is that advertising goods and services improves
children
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's social exposure. Brand ambassadors often represent companies in promoting their products. When
children
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 are exposed to watching these advertisements, it mostly enhances their awareness.
This
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 can be more effective when the face of the brand is a high-profile individual whom they can perceive as a role model.
As a result
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 of
this
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, boys and girls will be encouraged to know more about the organisation and even discuss it with friends and family. Another important reason why proponents argue that media promotion of organisations should not be outlawed is that it allows schoolchildren to make better decisions. Most highly competitive companies target engaging endorsements so that the young can find attractive and easy to remember,
therefore
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 allowing them to easily persuade their parents on what goods or services to purchase.
This
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 ability to make informed decisions about a brand is very pivotal to retaining broadcasts.
However
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, the ones that can be a bad influence on minors should be banned.
For instance
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, a 2022 study in Nigeria found that educational promotions boost minors' decision-making skills by 30%.
To conclude
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,
while
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 misleading advertisements are detrimental to
children
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's mental and moral well-being, I am strongly convinced that healthy ones are essential for social interactions and discernment.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more direct in paragraph 2. The link between ads and social exposure is not fully clear.
task achievement
Use simpler and more exact support. Some ideas sound general, so explain how and why more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Keep one clear line of argument. In body 2, you say ads help children choose, but this also shows how ads can control them.
task achievement
Answer the question more fully. You disagree, but in the end you partly agree that some ads should be banned. Explain this position earlier.
task achievement
Add one more specific example in body 1 to make that point stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You give your opinion early and keep it through most of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You use paragraphing well, and each body paragraph has one main point.
task achievement
You include an example in paragraph 3, which helps support your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • target audience
  • consumer behavior
  • manipulative techniques
  • brand loyalty
  • materialistic values
  • childhood obesity
  • public perception
  • advertising strategies
  • psychological impact
  • regulatory measures
  • consumer protection
  • peer pressure
  • brand endorsement
  • cognitive vulnerability
  • parental influence
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