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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that because of the growing number of unfit and overweight people, sport should be compulsory in all schools. Others say that compulsory physical education embarrasses students who don’t like sport. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The rising obesity rates have sparked a debate over whether school sports should be mandatory or if forced participation causes too much distress.
While
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 forcing
students
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 into traditional competitive environments can cause anxiety, I believe physical education must remain compulsory if it is redesigned to focus on inclusive, healthy habits. On the one hand, it is essential that schools focus on the modern-day health crisis of lifestyle. Nowadays,
children
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 spend a significant amount of their free time sitting down, playing video games, and using smartphones. Because of
this
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 passive lifestyle, schools are often the only place where
children
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 can get regular physical exercise. By participating in a structured physical program,
students
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 not only burn calories but
also
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 learn basic discipline and teamwork skills. Introducing daily exercise at a young age helps individuals develop a long-term commitment to a healthy lifestyle that continues into their adult lives.
On the other hand
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, there are valid arguments against forcing all
students
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 to participate in traditional sports. Many school physical education programs are highly competitive, focusing entirely on winning and keeping score. For
students
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 who are overweight, uncoordinated, or naturally shy,
this
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 environment can create anxiety. Being forced to perform physical skills in front of their peers often invites teasing and judgment, which effectively squeezes the fun out of movement.
This
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 negative experience builds a major psychological barrier, causing these
children
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 to hate exercise and avoid fitness activities for the rest of their lives. In conclusion,
while
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 the threat of youth obesity requires urgent action, the emotional
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
 of sensitive
students
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 must
also
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 be protected. In my opinion, the best solution is to keep physical education compulsory but completely remove the pressure of competition.
Instead
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 of forcing every student to play team sports like football, schools should offer non-competitive options
such
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 as swimming, yoga, or walking clubs.
This
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 approach ensures that all
children
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 stay healthy without feeling embarrassed or stressed.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more real and clear example to support your ideas.
task response
You answer both sides well, but you can explain your own view a little more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but you can use a few more linking words like 'also' and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas can be linked more smoothly between sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and develop it fully.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion clearly.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are supported with good explanation.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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