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Band 6.5

Many children today spend a lot of time on social media which hurts their grades. what is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this ?

#children #time #media #grades
Social networking sites are a great way to communicate with our near and dear ones.
However
, a large number of students are spending a considerable amount of time on
this
type
 of digital network platform and are experiencing a decline in their academic performance.
This
 essay will showcase the reasons behind
this
 trend and
then
subsequently
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
highlight the probable solutions to tackle the issue. To commence with, these social
media
websites
 often
display
 picturesque views of other people's lives.
As a result
, a
child
 may develop a false notion of their friend's perception because of the posts that they
display
 on these types of sites, which may make them constantly look for their peer's postings on these platform services.
Furthermore
,
this
 can exacerbate the condition of anxiety among those pupils who are more susceptible to it and
therefore
,
this
 can result in the downfall of his educational performance. To cite
this
, a survey conducted by the 'Times of India' in 2021 states that children who
are seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 the
display
 of their friends on social
media
 platforms have developed a condition of fear of missing out which leads them to be hooked on these platforms and
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 reasonable fall on their grades.
Moreover
, the algorithm which is set by these
websites
 makes them want to see the
type
 of postings they view often.
This
 can
further
 lead to a
child
 spending a lot of time on
this
type
 of service provider. One of the major solutions to curb
this
 issue, the parents of the
child
 should fix a timetable for their study hours.
This
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 would result in the
child
 getting aligned with their academic obligations and would prevent them from deviating away from their study tasks. Meanwhile, the parents should take responsibility for their
child
 to follow the timetable that they have set. The design of the
type
 of
media
 set by these social networking sites can be changed
according to
 a
child
's age and should showcase relevant informative posts helpful for a
child
's educational growth.
For instance
, the algorithm could be set in accordance with a
child
's future study goals and can introduce a peer-to-peer learning platform in which they can learn from their fellow students. To recapitulate, the issues of overconsumption of social
media
websites
 among pupils
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 linked with the missing out on the information of their friends and the
type
 of
display
 the
websites
 showcase them which leads to degrowth in terms of their learning in the school. To mitigate
this
 a fixed timetable should be made by their parents and
also
 more educational learning platforms could be created.
Submitted by rajvirsinhparmar on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay covers the reasons and solutions comprehensively, make sure to clearly separate different points into distinct paragraphs. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or data points to support your reasons and solutions. Providing stronger evidence can make your argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and effectively sets up the topic, giving a good overview of what the essay will cover.
complete response
You provided a well-rounded discussion of the reasons behind the issue and offered some practical solutions.
logical structure
Your points are logically organized, and you move smoothly from the discussion of the causes to the solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addictive design
  • Infinite scrolling
  • Personalized content feeds
  • Peer pressure
  • Social validation
  • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • Parental supervision
  • Digital literacy programs
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Conscious regulation
  • Academic impact
  • Engagement
  • Social media usage
  • Online presence
What to do next:
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