IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be share freely.

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With the rapid development in our society,
people
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 seem to pay more attention to the accessibility of resources,
such
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 as scientific research,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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business project and the academic world.
However
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,
while
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 some
people
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 claim that providing all
information
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 for everyone is the better way, others suppose that invaluable
information
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 should not be completely free of charge.
This
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 article is going to explain both aspects and give my opinion afterwards. Assume that
people
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 all over the world can easily access all categories of
information
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, education in poor countries can be improved, scientists from different places can work as a team,
instead
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 of
study
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studying
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 individually without efficiency. In terms of
academic
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the academic
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 world, research acceleration is foreseeable, and
researcher
Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
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 may
easier
Verb problem
find it easier
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 to reach their personal achievement because of the
assistant
Replace the word
assistance
 of
opened
Replace the word
open
information
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.
However
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, it’s
undoubted
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undeniable
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 that respect
need
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needs
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 to be given to the original creators for
contribute
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contributing
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 their time and energy doing the research. In
this
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 case, money is a good reward for all creators
due to
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 one of the characteristics of money – fairness.
Moreover
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, providing commercial value is a method to identify the
information
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 is trustworthy or not. To explain
further
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, for
people
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 who
are
Verb problem
apply
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lack
of
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apply
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ethical education, they can spread the wrong
information
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 to mislead others. Even worse,
people
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 might claim that they are the
information
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 provider and everyone
trust
Correct subject-verb agreement
trusts
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 them without checking
evidence
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the evidence
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, as
the
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a
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 result, the real provider will receive nothing but sadness.
To conclude
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, the protection of valuable
information
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 is a
must-need
Check wording
must
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. Using currency is a fair way to implement it. From my perspective, as a note creator who used to share biology
information
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 on Instagram, I have experienced more than once that the note took me hours just
been
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to be
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 stolen from other users. All the effort I put
, and
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in, and
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 all the time I
spent
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spent,
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 were gone.
Therefore
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, I believe that it is undoubtedly a generous
behavior
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behaviour
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 to share their original resource
to
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with
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 others
,
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;
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 meanwhile, the mindset of
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 ourselves is necessary to get rid of
people
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 with bad
intention
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intentions
show examples
. In conclusion, originality should be
respect
Wrong verb form
respected
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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people
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 who genuinely would like to get the resource will find
approach
Correct article usage
an approach
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 to access it. Under
this
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 situation, I believe it can become a balance between morality and
overall
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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You talk more about why information should not be free, but the good side needs more full support too.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in one sentence in the introduction and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Use one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
coherence cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will help the essay feel more ordered.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter and connect them in a simpler way.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
The personal example at the end helps show your real view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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