IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is togive longer prison sentences, while others think that there arebetter alternative methods. Discuss both views and give youropinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the lengthening
prison
Use synonyms
 terms is the most essential way to decrease
crime
Use synonyms
 because it can increase
deterent
Use the right word
deterrent
show examples
 effects, others argue that there are more
efficent approches
Correct your spelling
efficient approaches
 to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.From my
respective
Replace the word
perspective
,
crime
Use synonyms
reduction
Use synonyms
 can not only rely on
deterences
Correct your spelling
deterrence
,but aleducationa otherl support,like
education
Use synonyms
. Advocates of the view that longer
prison
Use synonyms
 terms can significantly reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 argue that with effective
deterences
Replace the word
deterrence
,
people
Use synonyms
 would rethink before they committ
crime
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is largely because
crime
Use synonyms
 costs are
incressing
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
,which prevents most
people
Use synonyms
 from breaking the law.A typical example of
that is
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
suffer
Correct pronoun usage
who suffer
show examples
 economic difficulties might
want
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
want to steal or rob
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 belongings
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,when they
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 longer
prison
Use synonyms
 terms,they may realise
breaking
Correct word choice
that breaking
show examples
 the law is worthless,
Linking Words
thus
Correct word choice
and thus
show examples
 make a living through legal ways.As a
consequent
Replace the word
consequence
,the risk of
crime
Use synonyms
 is reduced. From another
respectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
,many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there are other effective approches like
education
Use synonyms
 can reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.When
people
Use synonyms
 get
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
,they would have more job opportunities,which provides a
sustainbale
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 life for them .
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to resolve troubles through legal ways to protect their happy and peaceful life
instead
Linking Words
 of committing
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
,thereby
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 to
crime
Use synonyms
reduction
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 can shape one's personality,with more knowledge,
people
Use synonyms
 would like to deal with difficulties through
radtional
Correct your spelling
rational
 thinking rather than violence,which leads to an obvious
reduction
Use synonyms
 in impulsive
crime
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is a significant way to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 from the origin by expanding
people
Use synonyms
's knowledge and building a well-rounded personality.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
 term can efficiently reduce
crime
Use synonyms
,I believe that more supportive methods like
education
Use synonyms
 can reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 from the origin, because it can help
people
Use synonyms
 live a better life and develop a well-rounded personality,which
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 leads to the
reduction
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
's criminal intentions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, answer both sides in a more full way. Your view is clear, but the side about prison can be a bit more developed.
task response
For task response, use one or two more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make some sentences shorter and easier to follow. A few ideas are hard to read because the sentence is too long.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check paragraph unity. In each body paragraph, keep one main idea and explain it step by step.
task response
For task response, you discussed both views and gave your own opinion clearly.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant to the question: prison as fear and education as support.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most paragraphs stay on one main topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: