IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many governments believe that economic development is the most important goal for their
country
Use synonyms
;
however
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, some people
cotend
Correct your spelling
contend
 that other kinds of
progress
Use synonyms
 are as crucial as economic.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and argue in favour of the latter view because other types of
progress
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,
such
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 as
Arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, can
also
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 bring attention to their
country
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. On the one hand, economic
progress
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 plays a vital role in the development of
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
.
For example
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, if the local industries have
a
Verb problem
made
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 significant
progress
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on
Change preposition
in
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 inventing new
material
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materials
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 or products,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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investment from abroad will come into the market; thereby, the economic environment
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 better, and the
salary
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salaries
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 of employees can
raised
Verb problem
be raised
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. People who have more income are able to invest or purchase more products.
As a result
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,
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
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economic
Replace the word
economy
 can be improved
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the environment will be better.
On the other hand
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, soft
power
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 is equally important because it represents
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 culture and values. In the case of
Arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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,
movie
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movies
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 and music can reflect one's
thought
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thoughts
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,
through
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and through
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 broadcasting, these values can be spread.
For example
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,
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
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 government has cooperated with local companies to invest stream platform to produce their own K-drama. By
this
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 method, more korean show and
movie
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movies
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 are broadcast around the world;
thus
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, more viewers notice Korea art industries.
Furthermore
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, people are having more
interests
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interest
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 in South Korea. In my opinion, rather than economic
progress
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, I believe other types of
progress
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 are equally important for a
country
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. More precisely, the soft
power
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 is crucial for some nations which have political
issue
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issues
show examples
. By promoting local culture, the boundary of political problems can be blurred.
Therefore
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, it would be easy for them to cooperate with other
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. In conclusion, many governments prioritise economic
progress
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 because it can improve the investment environment and bring benefits to the
country
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.
However
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, other types of
progress
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 are equally important, as they can help a
country
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 promote its values through soft
power
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. From my perspective,
although
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 economic development is necessary, soft
power
Use synonyms
 is especially important for countries facing political challenges, because it can help them build a stronger international image and gain more support from other countries.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You explain the other side well, but the first side needs one more clear point.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Keep the same idea in all body parts.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your Korea example is good, but explain more how it helps the country.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and clearer way. Some sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Check how you use words like however, therefore, and for example. Use them only when the meaning fits.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use a real example about Korean art and media.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a clear order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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