IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today food often travels thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. Some people believe it would be better for the environment and the economy if people prefer local farmers. Would the advantages of this idea outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that consuming
products
Use synonyms
 from local
farmers
Use synonyms
 would be better for the environment and the economy.
However
Linking Words
, from my perspective,
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
show examples
 disadvantages of
this
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 choice can be rather harmful than useful. There are compelling arguments for
this
Linking Words
 point of view in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that buying local
products
Use synonyms
have a
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 long-term benefits for the economy. If citizens
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 local
products
Use synonyms
instead
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 of imported, it would obviously
imrove
Correct your spelling
improve
 the economy. In
this
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 case, money, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 spent on
import
Check wording
imports
show examples
, would be the source of funding for local
farmers
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 local farms will have a positive influence on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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. During the production of genetically-modified food
large
Punctuation problem
, large
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 amounts of gases and CO2 cause
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on the environment,
while
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 local
farmers
Use synonyms
 can grow it without any fossil fuels.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 system
also
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 creates major disadvantages.
Firstly
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, in order to grow local food
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 need to have large fields. It means that these large areas will need many expensive machines, which can carry out
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 process of growing.
Moreover
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 isn't just expensive, it is
also
Linking Words
time-comsuming
Correct your spelling
time-consuming
 and
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 a lot of physical
efforts
Check wording
effort
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.
Secondary
Replace the word
Secondly
,
due to
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 the climate, many
products
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 cannot grow in some specific places.
For example
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, more cold countries like Greenland are not able to grow many common fruits and vegetables.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it indicates the importance of the import, and that the local
farmers
Use synonyms
 do not have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ability to provide
people
Use synonyms
 with all
needed
Correct article usage
the needed
show examples
products
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, I strongly believe that local
products
Use synonyms
 have more disadvantages than benefits.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. You say the bad points are stronger, but you need to compare both sides more clearly.
task response
Give one or two clearer examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear or fully true, so explain them in a simpler and more exact way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are used well, but a few parts do not connect smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point easier to follow by adding a short explanation after it.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so you address the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'To begin with', 'On the other hand', and 'To sum up' help guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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