IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

These days consumers are faced with an increasing amount of advertising from various companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertising? What measures should be taken to protect them?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays,
consumers
Use synonyms
 receive explosive advertisements from different companies. From my perspective, customers are extremely effective
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 advertising. Owing to ADs,
people
Use synonyms
 may purchase items without consideration;
therefore
Linking Words
, they should be taught more about financial management. First of all,
consumers
Use synonyms
 can be influenced by advertising because they are more easily able to receive new knowledge and information with the improvement of the Internet. Traditionally, companies promote their
products
Use synonyms
 or services through TV; even though it is still working today, the Internet is more convenient and effective.
For example
Linking Words
, some cosmetic companies hire influencers to introduce their new
products
Use synonyms
; by sharing reviews with the followers and the target audience, the
products
Use synonyms
 can be sold faster and more
due to
Linking Words
 the fame of the influencers. If
people
Use synonyms
 are not conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the advertisement, it can cause a serious financial crisis. To be clearer,
consumers
Use synonyms
 who cannot distinguish between their necessities and wants may be easily affected by the advertisements, and they might purchase what they do not need. To protect them from over-buying, it is necessary to teach them about budget control and to think clearly before purchasing.
For instance
Linking Words
, one finance expert in Taiwan invented a new method to help those who were easily influenced by advertising. He asked these
consumers
Use synonyms
 to organise their budget;
moreover
Linking Words
, to analyse these promotions , and to do more research on
products
Use synonyms
. Afterwards,
people
Use synonyms
 discovered that those goods were unnecessary for them.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
consumers
Use synonyms
 are influenced excessively by advertising because of the Internet.
Additionally
Linking Words
, advertisements can cause
people
Use synonyms
 to purchase what they do not need. To protect them from over-buying, it is better to teach them about financial management,
such
Linking Words
 as budget control.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say ads have a very strong effect, but you can explain more about how and why.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some points are too general. Add one more clear reason in each body paragraph.
task response
Your examples are relevant, but they can be more direct and simple. Make the link to your main point clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few sentences are not smooth or exact. Check how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice or grammar. Use shorter and simpler sentences to make your meaning clear.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You use examples about influencers and money control, and they fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow overall.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brand awareness
  • Brand loyalty
  • Emotional appeals
  • Celebrity endorsements
  • Exaggerate
  • Purchase decisions
  • Data analytics
  • Stricter regulations
  • Honesty and transparency
  • Critical thinking
  • Media literacy
  • False advertising
  • Consumer protection agencies
  • Grievances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: