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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people claim that the goal of education is to create individuals useful for society, while others believe that realizing our own dreams must be the key to education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some harbour a belief that the goal of
education
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 is to make
people
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 useful to
society
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, whilst others emphasise the importance of helping
people
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 realise their
dreams
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. I am inclined to stand neutrally with both sides as they are both important outcomes that
education
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 intends to achieve.
This
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 essay will dive into both sides in a comprehensive manner before explaining my own opinion.
Initially
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, some
people
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 highlight that
education
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 equips
people
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 with professional knowledge, which enables them to contribute to
society
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 by using their expertise. Indeed,
education
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 plays an indispensable role in promoting social progress. Learners are able to acquire the information and knowledge they need through learning, which establishes the foundation of their future career paths. Many
people
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 in the world do not pay attention to pursuing their
dreams
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,
while
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 still giving back to
society
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 by working hard on their jobs. At the other end of the spectrum,
education
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 provides students with access to understanding themselves. Learning allows students to explore the world and reach their full potential. When individuals find their real desires, the desires will motivate them to deepen their understanding of the things they are interested in. The motivation will lead to profound influences on personal achievements. Eventually, the results turn into social growth when
people
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 endeavour to trace their
dreams
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. In conclusion, despite the fact that
education
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 helps create helpful residents in
society
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, its significant impact on supporting
people
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 in identifying their
dreams
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 cannot be ignored.
Therefore
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,
education
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 should not only focus on cultivating useful skills but
also
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 stress the significance of realising students'
dreams
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your ideas are good, but they need a little more detail.
task response
Give a clearer own view. 'Stand neutrally with both sides' is not very strong, so state exactly what you believe.
task response
Add one simple real example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts connect well, but a few ideas move too fast.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point more. Some sentences repeat the same idea in different words.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main focus.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion matches the main discussion well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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