IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some feel that cities should be designed to be beautiful while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Most
people
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 think that charming cities are preferable,
while
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 others reckon that their functionality is more essential. In my opinion, both sides of a
city
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 are equally important. On the one hand, some
people
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 argue that every
city
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 should be designed.
In other words
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,
this
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 point of view is important to increase the number of tourists who may visit to be surprised by attractively designed places in the
city
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.
This
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 is likely to benefit the economy and
people
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 who can learn other languages from visitors,
as well as
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 bring new traditions to designed cities or developed countries.
In addition
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, the government keeps the young generation, who study abroad and visit delightful places, In
this
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 way, the government can raise a mature generation.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that other functions of the
city
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 are very important.
For example
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, education and medicine play a key role in our society. These days,
people
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 in some countries can occupy the world with their knowledge.
For example
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,
Ilon
Correct your spelling
Elon
 Musk is creating new ideas in order to simplify
people
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`s lives.
Furthermore
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, medicine plays a vivid role in cities and countries. A developed
city
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 has good medicine;
therefore
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, the oldest
people
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 and
people
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 who have health problems are always given help by the government.
This
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 may cause an increase in healthy individuals in the
city
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. In conclusion, there are two different points of view that are equally important in order to develop a
city
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.
According to
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 me, both
consepts
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concepts
 have a major role in the
city
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.

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task achievement
Consider using more specific and relevant examples that directly support your main points. For instance, when discussing the benefits of a beautiful city, mention specific cities known for their beauty and the impact on tourism.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This can make your arguments clearer and more effective.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for a smoother reading experience. Using linking words and transitional phrases can help achieve this.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively establishes the topic and provides a clear thesis statement that presents your opinion on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and restates your opinion, providing a satisfactory closing to the essay.
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