IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some feel that cities should be designed to be beautiful while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#feel #cities #functionality
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Most
people
 think that charming cities are preferable,
while
 others reckon that their functionality is more essential. In my opinion, both sides of a
city
 are equally important. On the one hand, some
people
 argue that every
city
 should be designed.
In other words
,
this
 point of view is important to increase the number of tourists who may visit to be surprised by attractively designed places in the
city
.
This
 is likely to benefit the economy and
people
 who can learn other languages from visitors,
as well as
 bring new traditions to designed cities or developed countries.
In addition
, the government keeps the young generation, who study abroad and visit delightful places, In
this
 way, the government can raise a mature generation.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that other functions of the
city
 are very important.
For example
, education and medicine play a key role in our society. These days,
people
 in some countries can occupy the world with their knowledge.
For example
,
Ilon
Correct your spelling
Elon
 Musk is creating new ideas in order to simplify
people
`s lives.
Furthermore
, medicine plays a vivid role in cities and countries. A developed
city
 has good medicine;
therefore
, the oldest
people
 and
people
 who have health problems are always given help by the government.
This
 may cause an increase in healthy individuals in the
city
. In conclusion, there are two different points of view that are equally important in order to develop a
city
.
According to
 me, both
consepts
Correct your spelling
concepts
 have a major role in the
city
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Consider using more specific and relevant examples that directly support your main points. For instance, when discussing the benefits of a beautiful city, mention specific cities known for their beauty and the impact on tourism.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This can make your arguments clearer and more effective.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for a smoother reading experience. Using linking words and transitional phrases can help achieve this.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively establishes the topic and provides a clear thesis statement that presents your opinion on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and restates your opinion, providing a satisfactory closing to the essay.
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