IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. Towhat extent do you agree?

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It has been observed that many young people leave school without a clear understanding of how the workplace operates.
Although
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 some people believe that schools should require all
teenagers
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 to spend a short period working alongside their academic studies, I agree with
this
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 statement to a large extent. The foremost argument supporting my view is that
work
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experience
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 helps
teenagers
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 develop practical skills that cannot be learned in a classroom. By working in a real environment, students improve their communication, teamwork and
problem solving
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problem-solving
 abilities.
For instance
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, a teenager working part-time in a café learns how to deal with customers, manage time and cooperate with colleagues.
Besides
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this
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,
such
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experience
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 enables students to make more informed career choices. After experiencing different professions, they can decide whether a particular field truly matches their interests and abilities before choosing a university course.
Furthermore
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,
short term
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short-term
 employment teaches
teenagers
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 responsibility and independence. Because they earn their own income, they begin to appreciate the value of money and understand the effort required to achieve financial stability.
In addition
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, working under supervisors encourages discipline, punctuality and accountability, qualities that are highly valued by employers in every profession.
On the contrary
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, some people argue that requiring all
teenagers
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 to
work
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 could reduce the time available for studying and increase stress. They
also
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 claim that not every student can balance employment with academic responsibilities.
While
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 these concerns are understandable, they can be addressed by limiting
work
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 placements to a few weeks during school holidays or by ensuring that the workload remains manageable.
To conclude
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, despite the possibility that
work
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experience
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 may place additional pressure on some students, I believe its advantages greatly outweigh its disadvantages. The opportunity to gain practical skills, develop responsibility and make informed career decisions makes
short term
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short-term
work
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experience
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 a valuable part of every teenager’s education.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, add one more very clear example from real life.
task response
For task response, you answer both sides, but you could explain the other side a little more before you reject it.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has one main idea. To improve, you can use a few more linking words in a natural way.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas are well ordered. To get a higher score, make one or two topic sentences even more direct.
task response
For task response, you answer the question fully and your position is clear all through the essay.
task response
For task response, you give a good example about working in a café, and it supports your main idea well.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph connects well to the next, so the essay is smooth to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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