IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. Why is that the case? What could be done to tackle the issue? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, many
individuals
Use synonyms
 do not have
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 skills about managing incomes and expenses adequately. It is mainly because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they never
expose
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 about financial literacy
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home or
school
Use synonyms
, leading them to
make a constantly purchasing
Correct word order
constantly make purchases
show examples
 without
concidering
Correct your spelling
considering
savings
Use synonyms
 for their future. The possible solutions are introducing them
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how to make
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 plan at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 age.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 issue and suggest possible solutions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a root cause of young
individuals
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 no skills to manage their
financial
Replace the word
finances
 carefully is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they
never
Verb problem
were never
show examples
introduce
Wrong verb form
introduced
show examples
 to basic financial literacy, neither at
school
Use synonyms
 nor
home
Change preposition
at home
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 may
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
inrensponsibility
Correct your spelling
irresponsibility
 in financial management, as they do not realise
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the importance of
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 careful financial plans. They only understand about
purchase
Replace the word
purchasing
 and
collect
Wrong verb form
collecting
show examples
 as many items as they want to. As the living
cost
Check wording
costs
show examples
 increase throughout the years, it may
poses
Wrong verb form
pose
show examples
 financial instability in the long run,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 they have no
savings
Use synonyms
 for
educational
Replace the word
education
, healthcare, and retirement.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they drown in
debts
Check wording
debt
show examples
 and conduct criminals for acquiring money.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
 financial literacy is
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 skill to have for any
Use synonyms
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the possible solution is teaching the young generation about financial management, starting with implementing a simple value that
savings
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential for creating sustainability in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
This
Linking Words
 practice can be
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranged
show examples
 in both educational
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 and
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. From
school
Use synonyms
, teachers can provide
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 project,
such
Linking Words
 as a weekly
savings
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
expose
Correct subject-verb agreement
exposes
show examples
 them
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the method of
savings
Use synonyms
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, in a family, parents should arrange
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 weekly report for students to record their
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 in some financial books, which can develop a sense of responsibility for tracking expenses. These
approachs
Correct your spelling
approaches
 are great
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 from Indonesia,
which
Correct pronoun usage
where
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
individuals
Use synonyms
 there build
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 understandings about financial at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 age. In conclusion, never
exposing about
Verb problem
discussing
show examples
 financial management is the main cause of financial irresponsibility,
while
Linking Words
 teaching them about finance by making
Use synonyms
savings
Correct article usage
a savings
show examples
 project in the
school
Use synonyms
 and tracking expenses with parents should overcome the issue.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why this happens and what can be done, but some ideas need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then add one or two simple reasons.
task response
Give more direct examples. Your school and family ideas are good, but explain how they help students in real life.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some lines jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence fits the main point of the part. The line about crime feels too strong and not well built.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You give practical ideas like saving at school and tracking spending at home.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • curriculum
  • teacher preparedness
  • personal finance
  • money management
  • reinforcement
  • traditional subjects
  • academic subjects
  • practical life skills
  • resource constraints
  • funding
  • comprehensive education
  • packed curriculum
  • extracurricular activities
  • budgeting
  • savings
  • investing
  • credit management
  • debt
  • economic education
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