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Writing Samples
Band 7

parents should be held responsible for childrens act. what is your opinion?

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Introduction
Who should be held responsible for the wrong actions of a
child
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? Should caretakers be questioned about it or just the committer? I am of the opinion that
parents
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 are the only authority to look after and train a
child
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;
therefore
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, who else could be blamed if not them?
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the character of the children certainly depends on the training they receive from their
parents
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 , and they could be held legally responsible if their kid does anything illegal. To elaborate, a kid at a younger
age
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 learns what he sees during his upbringing because of the early
age
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 learning process.
Consequently
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, if he had spoiled at that part of the
age
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 and gained a detrimental experience,
then
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 the only individuals worth blaming are the
parents
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.
Therefore
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, the offence committed by a non-adult must be a legal offence of the
parents
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 as well.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, most countries have no laws for the underage , and in case of theft or some other mishap, only the guardians can be questioned.
For example
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, in the USA the person under 18 is not an independent citizen
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 during
this
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 span of life, their caretakers have to cater to and educate them. If a
child
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 within that
age
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 group is caught violating the law, his fosters would be arrested by the police
along with
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 the kid, resulting in a penalty or a fine for them.
Hence
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, there is no other option left in
such
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 cases
besides
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 arresting the
parents
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is often thought that
parents
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 should legally be questioned for the wrongdoings of their kids. From my perspective, it is certainly the only logical case;
otherwise
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,a
child
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 could not abide by the law.
Furthermore
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, the responsibility of spoiling him falls on the guardians alone.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first paragraph. Say in a direct way that parents should be responsible, and explain if this is always true or true only in most cases.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why parents are responsible, or show one other side before you disagree with it. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Your example about the USA may not be fully correct. Use a safer and more general example, or explain the example more clearly.
task response
Some ideas are good, but they need more support. After each main point, add a short reason or simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some links between ideas are not smooth. Use simple linking words like first, also, because, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the wording is not clear. Use shorter sentences to make your meaning easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with repeat ideas like legal blame and arrest. Try to move the essay forward with a new point in each paragraph.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You stay on the topic through the essay.
task response
You include an example to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like first of all, additionally, consequently, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main focus, which helps the reader.
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