IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays children have too much freedom. Some people think it may be dangerous in some aspects. Do you agree or disagree with?

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Some societies think that treating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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with
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by
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 providing a
space
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the way that will
benifit
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benefit
 them. On the other side, others state that giving the kids much freedom have numrous effects. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will provide my opinion and explain why we need to give the
children
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the
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apply
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enough freedom. In my opinion, to create
a
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apply
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solid personalities for the
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children
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children,
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 you need to provide them with a
space
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 to make them decide which options suit
more
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them more
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 and what
are the consequnces
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the consequences are
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 for each choice.
As a result
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,
chilren
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children
 will learn from their mistakes and
exploring
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explore
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 the challenges that they may face in future.
For example
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, when kids purchase something from the
super market
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supermarket
 by themeself it will give them the
opportuntity
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opportunity
 to explore its abilties on exploring things more.
On the other hand
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, some people illustrate that
much
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too much
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 freedom will make the
children
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are feeling
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feel
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 there is no
intrests
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interest
 from their parents.
Moreover
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,
children
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 are willing to get the knowledge and explore the world from
near
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apply
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people who feel more
confortable
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comfortable
 with
like
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them, like
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 their
family
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family,
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 because they can explain as
mush
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much
 as they need
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also
Punctuation problem
, also
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 with
rational
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a rational
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explaination
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explanation
 to their age.
Hence
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, the family need to
be
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apply
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watch their
childeren
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children
 and
to
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apply
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be near to them by giving them
the
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apply
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supportive
motions
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words
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 and
to back
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backing
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 them when they need.
Finaly
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Finally
, providing a
space
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 as I state will make the
children
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 find their skills. Meanwhile, some people illustrate that being without a
space
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
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 your
children
Use synonyms
 will give them a suitable environment to ask and make
mistkes
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mistakes
 with large support from their family.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the first part and keep this idea all through the essay.
task response
Add clearer main ideas in each body part. Each part should have one main point and then explain it well.
task response
Use a better example. The supermarket example is not very clear and does not fully show why freedom helps children.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and clearer way. Some lines are hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one clear job: intro, first reason, second reason, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear linking words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
You give both sides of the topic, so you show that you understand the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a short conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with a real-life example.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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