IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your option

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
The debate about which period of a
child
Use synonyms
's life has the most significant impact on their future is a long-standing one.
While
Linking Words
 some people think that the
experiences
Use synonyms
 before school are the most formative, others believe that the teenage period is more influential.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before concluding that the early
years
Use synonyms
 are more critical. On the one hand, those who support the importance of early childhood point to the rapid brain development during the first few
years
Use synonyms
. During
this
Linking Words
 time, a
child
Use synonyms
's brain is highly plastic and forming millions of neural connections every second. These connections are the basis for all future learning, and
experiences
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 period help to shape cognitive skills, language, and emotional regulation.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
child
Use synonyms
 who is read to and spoken with regularly from infancy is likely to develop a richer vocabulary than a
child
Use synonyms
 who is not.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other people argue that the teenage
years
Use synonyms
 are more critical because
this
Linking Words
 is when individuals begin to form their identity and make independent decisions. Adolescence is a time for socialising and emotional change, and there is a stronger influence from peer groups.
Experiences
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
 stage,
such
Linking Words
 as academic successes or failures, making friendships, and doing part-time jobs, can significantly shape a teenager's self-esteem, work ethic, and career.
For example
Linking Words
, a teenager who excels in a subject and receives encouragement from a teacher may decide to pursue a related career, which can alter their life path. These
experiences
Use synonyms
 can have a more visible effect on their future opportunities. In my view,
although
Linking Words
 teenage
experiences
Use synonyms
 are undeniably important for shaping a person's direction, the foundation laid in the early
years
Use synonyms
 is ultimately more important. The framework built during early childhood determines how a teenager will perceive and react to
experiences
Use synonyms
 they encounter. In conclusion, both pre-school and teenage
experiences
Use synonyms
 are influential.
However
Linking Words
, the foundational role of early childhood is more crucial, because it provides the essential built which later develops.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your last line more clear. 'essential built' is not right. Say 'essential base' or 'foundation'.
task response
Give one more clear reason for why early years are more important, so your opinion feels stronger.
task response
Your examples are good, but one example can be a bit more full with more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but be careful to make each idea flow in the most natural way.
coherence and cohesion
The line 'These experiences can have a more visible effect' is a bit general. Explain this link more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final sentence more accurate and smooth to improve the end of the essay.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view clearly.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand and stay on the topic.
task response
You use relevant examples to support both views.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body, opinion, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • experiences
  • influence
  • future
  • development
  • childhood
  • teenagers
  • independence
  • emotional
  • skills
  • relationships
  • decisions
  • identity
  • growth
  • interactions
  • foundation
  • pathway
  • importance
  • education
  • social
  • complex
  • part-time jobs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: