IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Showcasing rich histories and cultures is undoubtedly one way to put the
country
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 in a positive light in the eyes of people.
While
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 there has been a debate about the extent of history and culture that should be showcased, there should
also
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 be a consideration of the potential effects
this
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 might have. In
this
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 essay, I partially agree with
this
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, and I will discuss the reasons behind my thought process.
Firstly
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, there are two reasons why I partially agree that history extends to various parts of the globe. One reason could be that there is a limitation of knowledge about other rich histories to explore. A lot of people travel to other parts of the world for learning experiences of the
country
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's cultural heritage,
while
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also
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 exploring other aspects.
For example
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, whenever I visit a new
country
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, there is always an expectation to explore collections, learn about the stories behind them and how they are featured as part of their archive and exhibitions. Another reason could be that not displaying other archives can result in a decline of tourist attractions, school visitation for excursion as there are not enough displays of collections other than one historical part. The reasons why many individuals visit the museum are because of the expectations of a mixed collection of artefacts to be explored, and repeatedly showcasing works of their
country
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 can result in a decline
of
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in
show examples
 interest in visiting the facilities. In conclusion, museums play an important role in our communities, which is why it is necessary to promote a blend of histories and showcase of collection to create a rich culture around these exhibitions. Ablend of other countries' collections should be considered to foster cultural heritage.

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task response
Task response: Give a clearer answer to the question. Say more clearly how far you agree or disagree, and keep this the same through the essay.
task response
Task response: Add both sides of the topic. You talk more about why museums should show works from many countries, but you do not explain enough why some people want museums to focus on their own country.
task response
Task response: Use more clear and exact examples. Your travel example is helpful, but it is too general. Add one real or more direct example.
task response
Task response: Develop each main idea more. Some points are short, so the reader wants more detail about why they matter.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words more carefully. Some ideas connect well, but a few sentences feel long or not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make one main idea for each body paragraph. This will make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Check small word groups like 'school visitation for excursion' and 'showcase of collection' because they make meaning less clear.
task response
You answer the topic and give your view in the introduction.
task response
You include a personal example, which helps support your idea.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'Firstly', 'Another reason', and 'In conclusion' help show the order of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • history
  • culture
  • country
  • world
  • own
  • local
  • national
  • art
  • museum
  • gallery
  • show
  • display
  • learn
  • teach
  • people
  • visitors
  • tourists
  • plan
  • balance
  • loan
  • idea
  • value
  • future
  • time
  • money
  • space
  • access
  • open
  • share
  • exchange
  • connect
  • difference
  • similarity
  • heritage
  • tradition
  • identity
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