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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countires, many young people choose to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting universitiy studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

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gap
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year
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, acquire new skills, the chance of being
succesful
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successful
 cannot focus, cannot make
easily
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apply
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friends,
mental
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and mental
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 health conditions A significant number of young adults
prefers
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prefer
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 working or
traveling
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travelling
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 as soon as they finish high school
instead
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 of pursuing higher education.
While
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 it has some downsides, the upsides,
such
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 as acquiring new skills and gaining some experience, can be far greater than the drawbacks of getting away from academic life for
one
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year
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides and my position with relevant arguments and examples. On the
one
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 hand,
one
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 of the advantages of
one
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year
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gap
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 between high school and university is that youngsters can develop many
benefical
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beneficial
abilities
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as learning a new foreign language or gaining work
experiences
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experience
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. These
abilities
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 are crucial for their future academic careers, enabling them to research foreign-language sources for a complex topic. As they can
scrutinize
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scrutinise
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 an enormous number of different articles , they can get higher marks on exams thanks to their broader knowledge.
For instance
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, recent studies show that teenagers who know more than
one
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 language demonstrate higher performance in the exams because they can
scrunitize
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scrutinise
 and understand many different kinds of papers which are written in foreign languages, enabling them to look at solutions from
in another
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different
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 dimensions.
In addition
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, they can be more competitive than their peers because they have knowledge about the work environment where they have to be always ready and improve their
abilities
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 to succeed.
On the other hand
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,
one
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 of the drawbacks of getting away from academic life is that a
gap
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year
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 can deprive students of their academic habits.
This
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 is because they focus on multiple different tasks,
they
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and they
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 struggle to readapt to the academic environment.
As a result
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, they may not understand the first vital classes, forcing them to work hard, which these conditions trigger a shock
that is
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 not easily overcome. To
ilustrate
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illustrate
, teenagers cannot even get
higher
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a higher
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 mark on exams after a long summer break because they enjoy
all
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the
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 summer without doing
nothing
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anything
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, and their starting days would be harsh for them.
Thus
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, even three months summer break
erodicate
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erodes
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 their academic
abilities
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,
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;
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one
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year
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 would be harder for them to adapt
again
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to
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 their studies
.
Rephrase
again.
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 In conclusion,
although
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 a
gap
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year
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 has some drawbacks, I firmly maintain that pupils can benefit from that
one
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year
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,
such
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 as developing new skills and gaining new experiences that
effect
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affect
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 their future academic performance. These
advatanges
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advantages
 outweigh the
disavantages
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disadvantages
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your good side is much longer than the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body part.
task response
Use examples that are more real and easy to follow. Some examples now feel too general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with short clear words like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Some of them are hard to follow and this hurts the flow.
task response
Explain the disadvantage more fully. You mention study habits, but you can add one more clear result.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You use topic words like 'skills', 'experience', and 'academic life' well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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