IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The cheaper availability of international transport means that more people are able to travel abroad these days. It is claimed that this is improving understanding among the world’s population. However, others believe it is better to use mass media to find out about more about the world. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
The declining cost of international transport has made overseas
travel
Use synonyms
 accessible to a far wider range of
people
Use synonyms
. Some argue that
this
Linking Words
 trend promotes mutual understanding among nations,
whereas
Linking Words
 others claim that mass
media
Use synonyms
 offers a more effective way to learn about the world.
Although
Linking Words
media
Use synonyms
 sources can provide broad and convenient information, I believe direct
travel
Use synonyms
 leads to a more authentic and lasting understanding of other cultures.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both views before explaining why personal experience is ultimately more valuable. Admittedly, mass
media
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 considerable educational value. Through documentaries, international news, films, and digital platforms,
people
Use synonyms
 can gain insight into countries they may never be able to visit.
Moreover
Linking Words
, responsible journalism can explain complex global issues,
such
Linking Words
 as political conflicts, migration, poverty, and climate change, in far greater depth than a short holiday.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is an efficient and affordable gateway to global awareness, especially for those with limited time or money.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, travelling abroad offers a kind of understanding that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 alone cannot provide. When
people
Use synonyms
 interact directly with local residents, use public transport, taste regional food, and observe everyday customs, they encounter culture as a lived reality rather than as edited information.
For instance
Linking Words
, visiting a country may challenge stereotypes created by sensational news reports and reveal that ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 often share similar hopes, values, and concerns.
Consequently
Linking Words
, personal contact can build empathy in a way that passive consumption of
media
Use synonyms
 rarely achieves. In conclusion, mass
media
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 useful for gaining wide-ranging knowledge about global affairs.
However
Linking Words
, I believe affordable international
travel
Use synonyms
 is more powerful because it creates direct human
connection
Check wording
connections
show examples
 and deeper cultural appreciation. Ideally,
people
Use synonyms
 should use
media
Use synonyms
 for background knowledge and
travel
Use synonyms
 for genuine experience.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, you answer both sides and give your own view. This is good. To be even better, add one more clear real example.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear and on topic. You can make them a bit fuller by adding one more detail in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. The order of ideas is clear from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use link words well, like 'Moreover', 'Nevertheless', and 'Consequently'. Be careful not to use too many in every line.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main part has one clear point. You can make support stronger by adding a more exact case or short fact.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea, which helps the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: