IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Shopping is very popular among the majority of the population,
despite
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regardless of
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 their age or social
standards
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status
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that most
people
Use synonyms
 find shopping
as
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to be
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 an experience which makes a difference in their
day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
 life
Some
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. Some
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people
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 find themselves in a different world, surrounded by various material things which they may or may not be able to purchase. Even if they are not able to finance these, they find much pleasure in looking and feeling these things and imagining owning them
some day, some
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someday. Some
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people
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 go shopping when they really want to purchase things
and
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, and
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 they prefer to look around and compare the prices before buying them. I think most
people
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 love to go shopping because
,
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apply
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then
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 they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 meet friends, make contacts with
people
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, and get to know what is in the latest trend. It provides them
a
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with a
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pleasant distraction from their routine and sometimes dull life. The most important effect shopping has on an individual is that it nourishes
the
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apply
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self-esteem
,
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.
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 An individual may find the social-contact most gratifying
and
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, and
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this
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 makes
people
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 come out of their shells and be more
extrovert
Replace the word
extroverted
. Purchasing something,
as well as
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 knowing that you are financially able to purchase something give more
self confidence
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self-confidence
 to
people
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. The increase in popularity to go shopping has many effects on
the
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apply
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society.
People
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 may be encouraged to go into new businesses
and
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, and
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 it will improve the economy. More job opportunities will be created for
people
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 in these businesses. Encouraged by the increase
of
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in
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 popularity
manufacturers
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, manufacturers
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 will try to improve their products, so that the consumers can have a wide range of products at competitive prices. The
overall
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 quality of the product
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as
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, as
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 well as the services provided by the sales
staff
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staff,
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 will be improved. More job opportunities will be created in advertising as the manufacturers try to sell their product
Consumers
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. Consumers
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 will have a better knowledge of the product so that they will not be
misleaded
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misled
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 by inferior quality products. I find shopping an interesting and pleasurable experience, as each year passes by, simply because it enriches my heart and mind.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain why shopping is popular, and you give some effects, but some ideas are too general.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Make each main idea very clear. Some parts repeat the same point about pleasure and social contact.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraph control. One body paragraph on why it is popular, one on effects on people, and one on effects on society would be better.
coherence and cohesion
Link some long sentences better. A few sentences run on and are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like First, Also, On the other hand, and As a result to guide the reader.
task response
You answer the main topic and stay on it through the essay.
task response
You give more than one reason why shopping is popular.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • consumer culture
  • emotional satisfaction
  • consumerism
  • advertising influence
  • online shopping platforms
  • sense of pleasure
  • social interaction
  • boost the economy
  • compulsive shopping
  • materialism
  • environmental degradation
  • unsustainable demand
  • social inequalities
  • status through possessions
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